I've found something more frustrating than coaching
for as long as i can remember loving to watch football or
basketball i can also remember hating the thought of being a
coach. as i watch college football or the nfl or college
basketball or the nba i am always overcome with rage at the
idiocy of some of the individual players. now i'm not
saying that coaches don't screw up just as much, but the
thing is, i can't imagine being a coach on the sideline as
one of my receivers comes back after having dropped a wide
open pass in the endzone. or having aaron brooks coming
back to my sideline under any circumstances.
i don't know how these coaches don't go homicidal on their
players, their sometimes perfectly orchestrated game plans
derailed by a bone-headed interception or an unforgiveably
muffed punt. i remember last weekend watching the seahawks
play the chiefs and the chief's defensive lineman scoop up a
fumble with about 3 mins left or so. but instead of just
falling down on the ball and ending the game right then and
there, he scooped it up and pranced his fat ass about 5
yards before he was stripped of the ball fumbling it back to
now if i were herman edwards, there's a good chance that
that man would be dead. i mean come on, you get paid to win
games and you should know that considering that you are a
defensive lineman who never really handles a ball, that your
proclivity to fumbling is far greater than say a running
back. so therefore, you fall on the ball, and let your
offense run out the clock...but no.
in fact i could go through numerous instances i've witnessed
over the years were i just can't believe my eyes. jerome
bettis fumbling the ball last year against the colts, but
then again i can also come up with horrible coaching. in
fact i just need to mention dennis green by name.
point is i have sympathy for coaches because of the scrutiny
they are placed under. no doubt it wasd unforgiveable that
dennis green let a 20 point lead dissipate but still the
fact that they got rocked the following week really shows
that he's not capable of coaching and that it is simply too
frustrating for him to comprehend and manage. but maybe
he's just cursed by bad players...who knows.
anyhow, i've been having to write legal briefs lately and
they are the most tortious thing in the world. the latest
one i've been writing has a bunch of different elements to
be proven and there are about 30 different cases which have
at least some say in the outcome of th case (or rather, the
potential outcomes). it's the classic case of just having
way too much information on hand. it's the 500 page
playbook, with your mind being the coach and your
organizational skills your team.
to get your mind to spill out onto the page what is relevant
of the 500 page playbook you need the best tacticians. the
way i write is grotesque. i sit down and draw a rough
outline of where i think the brief will go and then i end up
going the exact opposite direction. after a hastily drawn
up outline (i hate outlines and i shouldn't because they are
so vital) i end up with diarrhea. my fingers spill across
my keyboard and i end up with about 6,000 words which are
pure diarrhea. splattered across the screen in a
semi-coherent mess. it's like looking into the toilet bowl
and making out that you probably had a cheesy gordita crunch
but you just can't tell.
then i go through the process of taking that shit out of the
bowl and molding it into fine sculptures which (hopefully)
in the end represent the initial cheesy gordita crunch from
whence it came.
essentially this is the issue of style v. substance. the
initla diarrhea is all substance. it is every element of my
argument corroborated by the quotes which i believe most
helpful and citations which are most relevant. they are me
having shredded a 500 playbook down to 20 plays which i hope
will lead me to the goal line.
then i have to mold it with style. there has to be
somtehing on the page that is more than just "semi-coherent"
it has to be hyper organized and fluent. you can't just
throw your players out there with 20 torn otu pages and tell
them to lead you to the endzone. you work together and you
pick and choose and order them in the most beneficial way
possible. the run before t he play action and so on and so
forth. you set things up and then you deliver.
at this point i'm spent. i have everything i want to say on
paper but i am frustrated to no end that it is not fluently
coherent. i've loaded all of my bullets into my gun, aimed
it at my target, and fired it 6 times, only to miss the
target 6 times in a row. i jsut can't bring things together
and that's what's so frustrating. further more i look back
at my playbook and begin to doubt the ability of my players.
i mean what if i hadn't given them everything they neede
din my initial diarrhea?
but eventually i mold my shit into something resembling an
argument and turn it in.
the whole process leading up to it is about as frustrating
as having drew bledsoe on your team.