Let's see how long this lasts
Ad 0:
2006-10-29 14:58:31 (UTC)

The non-letter

Happy Birthday Jon...

I realized I didnt get you a card so I thought I would
write you a birthday letter. I imagined it all out last
night during Midsummernights dream so I wouldnt fall
asleep. Now I don't think I can send it. I'll just post
it on here for my own sake cause I dont want all of that
thinking to be wasted. Granted I have slept since then so
it wont be the great product I started with, but I suppose
it doesnt matter now. Just know that its not what its
supposed to be. In fact... now that Ive not finished it,
its probably best that you not read it...we'll just leave
it at the facebook message:)


This is a big year for you. You turned twenty one.
You're still a kid, yet so grown up at the same time. Its
a wonderful position to be in and you should be allowed to
embrace it, and I'm sorry if you sometimes see me standing
in your way. I don't mean to do that. I have my own
motivating emotions for that which have no place here, but
anyway, I just want you to know that I don't want to be
that person... those arent my intentions. I just get
scared and jealous.

I'm only in my third year of knowing you, but in that time
you have grown beautifully. I dont mean physically, but
the person that you have revealed to me has become more
and more appealing and wonderful. Maybe if I saw you just
the same as that opening week of freshman year it would be
easy to walk away from you. As it is, it is impossible.
You're maturing into the man that I want to be with for
the rest of my life, to love, and to experience life's
joys with. I dont know why, but it still scares me to say
that to you. i guess Im afraid that you'll run away
screaming. Anyway, you're still a kid right now, but
you'll make a wonderful father and husband for whoever
will win the title of luckiest girl in the world in my

I have had several "best friends" in my life as you know.
You also know that almost all of them have only been given
a small piece of me while I hid the rest, desperate for
protection. You know that I have and will continue to
reveal myself to you totally. Anything that I do keep
from you, I do so just so I wont lose you, but you know
that every now and then that comes out too. You are the
best friend I have ever had and ever will have. There is
no true embrassment when Im with you, just comical
moments. I have no need for shame. When Im with you I
feel beautiful and loved. No one else has ever offered
that without condition.

Alas... I dont have the heart to finish it. Its not what
it was supposed to be. It's just as well.