Timothy

I am feckless

and I currently loathe the prospect
that I must continue, which is finding
a damned job, one that I will invariably
keep, enjoy and will have some sort of
value to me in the long run.

I'm... seeing, someone. In contexts of
my general haphazard relationships in
all stripes and colors, this one bears
some careful treading, lest I fall on
the spikes of unrequited desire.

I have in the last few days, felt alot
better about myself, and in general, I
see changes in my personality that I've
not felt in ages.

This, liaison, for however long it
lasts, for it seems doomed to end
far too soon for my liking. Perhaps
might be the catalyst I need to get
myself out of the rut, the void I've
felt myself crawling, scratching and
spitting at the surface to get out of.

and she's very hard to read. I think
this, among most of her qualities is
the one that attracts me most to her.
For everyone else, they telegraph their
movements, their desires and thoughts,
and I can snatch them out of the
ether. But not her, oh no, she is like
a wall of thick veils, cascading down
the mountains, winding themselves into
me, and I am getting caught up in
them, unable to disentangle myself.

It's hard to stifle my inner soul, but
alas, for I must, lest our, dalliance
end far far sooner than I desire.

I had hoped she might be fickle, but
alas, she is not. I see in her, a
great deal, many things, many passions,
much darkness, and much joy. She is very
special, and I'd not wound her.

I'll not force anything, and I'll stand
by, and watch, for methinks I've done
what I can, and will. There doesn't
seem to be anything I can do to stem
the tides, and so, I will become the
waves, and endure.

In the end, I'm either good enough.

Or, I'm not.

Such is the way of things.

She'll yet crack my heart.

My heart bleeds anyways.