Dragongirl20989

Soul Flares
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2006-10-24 01:38:14 (UTC)

Oh God...How Love Hurts

My heart still aches. I thought I was getting better, that I
was getting over him. Maybe it's all just a lie. Every time
he talks about wanting to have sex with me I don't know what
to do. Of course I want it. Only I don't just want sex, I
want love. He doesn't seem to understand. For me it wasn't
sex we were having. We were making love.

I just don't know what to do. It hurts so badly. I gave him
my everything. EVERYTHING. I gave him my virginity. I gave
him my heart. My soul. My very life. I can't get all those
things back. I feel so stupid to have given them to him. I
should have known he'd never love me like I love him. I
should have seen it comming.

So why do I still cry at night? Why do I still want him to
call or text or IM me? Why do I still want him in my life
when all he does is hurt me? Why can't I live without
him...when I can't live with him. God why?

How is it fair for me to feel this way? Why did I do what I
did? Why don't I regret it? Why do I still love him? My
love...my mexican...my boy...my everything. I can hardly
breathe without him, and I pretend it's all ok. Everyone
seems to think I'm over it. They have to.

I can see it. The hurt I cause others by my tears. I don't
want to hurt them. It's bad enough that I hurt; I shouldn't
hurt others too. It's cruel and unfair for me to do that. So
for them I wear my mask of smiles. Of empty laughs. While
inside I die. While inside I cry. While inside I curl up and
just disapear.

Sweet dreams by darling, sweet dreams my love. I wish that I
may and I wish that I might...goodnight my darling, goodnight.


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