Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2006-10-09 23:25:14 (UTC)

update!!

Alright, i havent written in this for a few weeks, or 2
months? Well, what has happened...i'm in school now. my
frist year at york uni. it's pretty chill. my work load is
ok. I dont have much of a study habit, so its kinda
difficult to just have a seat under my ass and read for a bit.
I have my first exam on wednesday, oct 11. my mom's birthday.

I miss my mom. I keep crying, i can't hold back the tears.I
dont know why. I havent cried since she left, until today. I
just want her here. My dad is acting weird and its making me
mad. I know that yesterday i was being kinda mean to my dad,
and jessica was around. She doesnt see how fake? or weird?
my dad is being. whatever. im glad vicky is here. ugh. i
dont know why, i cant stop crying. i just miss her. I miss
her more because its thanksgiving. it wasnt the same this
year. i didnt have my mom at the dinner table. i didnt have
the salad that my mom always has to have or the table neatly
fixed. i miss her.

Besides that, i dont know, everything is ok. tommy wants me
back. But, i cant go back. reading what i had written a few
months helps me go back to how hurt he made he feel with him
actually realizing. i dont want a boyfrined. i dont want
anything to do with any guy. i dont want to respond to any
guy. i want to just sleep through the night and go through
my day without any guy worries. eveyone would kill me if i
go back to him...lol i can't go back, i can't go back, i
can't go back. i was unhappy. i wasnt letting myself like
him.wait. i didnt even know if i liked him...lol and i still
dont. i dont have any feelings for him whatsoever. ugh.
yaaaa my choice has been made.