Breakdancing for Christ
this saturday i was talked into going to a breakdancing
competition by juliann. i find breakdancing fascinating,
not just because there is no way in hell that i could ever
do it, but because it is one of the underrated areas of
dancing where all races seem to have an equal footing. and
i'm all for egalitarian dancing styles.
so on saturday we went to the breakdancing competition. you
know i should have been typed off multiple times on what i
was walking into, but you know what? sometimes you just
can't see all the signs that are pointing you towards christ.
the competition was being held at a church, which is fine, i
eman a lot of things are held at churches whcih aren't
necessarily regligious. so we got there and the next thing
that sort of unnerved me was that they stamped my hand with
a little cross.
alright, you know what? so they stamp your hadn with a
cross..maybe they just used the what the church had hanging
around. so what? but then i indulged in the free food.
now free food i ALWAYS a sure sign that you have stumbled
into a setting in which relgious indoctrination will be a
primary goal. yet there i was, carelessly munching away on
broccoli and salami when the next big clue sauntered up to
me and juliann.
it was this "single mother of 3 children". now. what the
fuck is a single mother of 3 children doing at a church
where there is a breakdancing competition? i don't know!
but i should have guessed it. anyhow, she was wayyyyy too
friendly and pretty uch wouldn't stop talking to us until
juli had the presence of mind to tell her that we had a pet
rat. that did the trick, you know what with rats being the
symbolic animal of the jew, who nailed her savior to a cross
about 1,970 some years ago.
well we get into the church place and the next thing occured
to me. there were a lot of asian and white people and no
black people. in fact there was one black guy who looked
like andy warhol, so there were no black pepole.
well the show started and there were all these skits and
they were doing the type of dances you see on the mickey
mouse club, you know where a bunch of teenagers are always
"chillin'" having the time of their lives and not using
drugs or alcohol. well that's always a bit weird and it's
really bizarre seeing them doing these skits in real life.
well the music was blaring over all of the skit and then i
heard what i knew was a sure indication.
"jesus is my pal" or something like that. it is
unmistakeable, once you hear jesus in a song you're in a
well it only got worse form there. they finally got to
breakdancing (which lasted for about 15 mins, but was quite
awesome!) and then we heard the "leader" of the group.
he was this asian dude who had obviously been abused earlier
in his life. he kept on saying stuff like,
"yeah, you ever been called a dirty asian? you know? you
ever been told to...go back to asia?"
and juli and i looked at each other knowing that this dude
the most ironic thing was how he was saying how he USED to
be this self-absorbed narcisttical teenager until he found
god. mind you he was telling this to us with a spotlight on
it, hogging the microphone from the other performers, and
pouring his life story onto us for about 20 mins. but you
know, he's not self-absorbed or anything.
anyhow, it got really disgustingly awkward as they had this
chick sing about sexual assault and abused women. and at
the same time they passed around a donation jar! which was
completely skeezy because a.) the collection jar was for the
group and not for battered women and b.) they were putting
us in a setting where it felt wrong not to give..."gee 1.3
million women are sexually assaulted a year? nawh i don't
think i can give a measly $2"
anyway, we boogied on out of there as soon as possible which
was really awkward because the group leader was like, "we're
having an intermission and guys, seriously, don't leave us,
just don't go, really it's gonna be way cool. stay...please."
and. i can't get that cross of my hand either.