Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2006-10-01 23:14:46 (UTC)

Mind Game X



So. I said that already.

I'm unamused at the path I've taken, and I'm well and
truly angry with all the things I've not said and not done.

I have been, in love, lust, or in genuine desire for many
women over the years. I've been with maybe 18 girls in my
entire life, 3 of whom were over 6 months, the longest was
3 years. The rest have been all 1 night stands, 1 or 2 month
fuck fests, or, 2 were friends with benefits.

I think after a certain point, after some time, you can
either land in thier arms, or simply not. And I think
I've since passed that point. Jamie, is married now, again,
for the second time. And this one looks like he's keeper.

And, I didn't jump, didn't even tell her my feelings, and
although it never worked out, She's still one of my dearest
friends and always will be. I never really thought I was
worthy enough, and with my, past misdeeds, I often wondered
if she could get past them.

Those are the things I always worry about. Being honest with
the person I'm with. I sometimes wonder if I'm too honest,
too truthful, because I've ruined 2 perfectly good relation
ships based on my being far to truthful.

Honesty is always the best policy, but I wonder if being
truthful is really the best course?

I've met someone new, she's quite awesome. She seems lovely,
serene, at once, and as cold as frosted steel. I can sense a
slow smoldering burn right below the surface, waiting for
release, I wonder, if I shall be able to measure up, and be
that one who can set her heart aflame. But knowing me, I'll
ruin it, with some ill concieved gambit on my part. Or maybe
from even just hesitating, refusing to being bold.

are we then to be judged by actions alone? a cascade of
unfettered dreams and...

fuck, i am sounding like a bad shakespeare rant.

ah well

to be, to dream, to laugh

or be the spineless fool?

whom am i?

These are all things to ponder.

Nothing worth doing, is ever easy.

Or if this is all an illusion.

So. Here I am. Again.

My chaotic mind.

The mind plays tricks, the body heal wounds.

The game being what it is.

I have to wonder about the future.