the mojb files
2006-09-27 07:22:25 (UTC)

theres got to be more

to sound like another torn young adult searching for
greater meaning, there really has to be more to life. i'm
in that constant search to find that "thing" that is
missing from my life, whatever it may be. i keep thinking
that i might have found it, but that void never fully goes
away. i follow the same pattern of semi self discovery in
which every few months i have a moment of clarity that
creates another "defining moment" in my life. then 3
weeks later the buzz from my epiphany wears off and i find
myself missing that piece of me again. i keep trying to
find what is missing but i know the harder i search the
farther away it becomes. i know that whatever i need is
not out here. i wish it would just come to me, i'm really
sick of being lost. i know the lesson is in the journey,
but i'm starting to get tired and my rations are wearing
out. my patience is wearing paper thin. why doesn't
anything change out here? why do people and problems
always stay the same? and why do i feel that no matter
how i try to remove myself from the crossfire and
stupidity i will always find myself sitting right dab in
the middle of it?! probably because i am stupid enough to
let myself slip back into it. i know that the problems i
face lie only within myself and that one day i'm truly
going to have to face the fact that it will be me who
needs to deal with whatever is haunting me. maybe someday
i will find the courage to challenge myself.