Jack's Twisted Kingdom
Welcome to the Grift
Are you ethically challenged?
If you have even a shred of decency, or you find yourself at
odds with certain, ethical questions, while legal, are well
a little too much for your own personal philosphies, and
Welcome to the Grift - let me teach you a little lesson in
free market commerce.
Well, let me say first and foremost, it's not a grift. I
just love using that word, and I've never been able to use
it. What I am about to impart to you, is in fact, not
grifting. Everything here is completely legal, albiet
Trust me in that, if nothing else I ever tell you.
I give you... The Playstaion 3 - A Visitation in fleecing of
The PS3 cometh. And Lo, for it was Nigh, and the gods
spoketh to thee, "Go ye forth and fleece thy enemy, gauge
them, and annihilate them".
November is soon, student loans need to be paid off, rent to
be paid, and well, the time has come to let you into the
inner sanctum of Plundering and Looting through non illicit
however nigh maybe loathsome and near to vile and evil ways.
I feel as though I should impart such glorious and
The goal here is to make scads of money off your fellow
Canadian and American friends who have far too much money
and little to no brains.
This exercise will test your mental endurance, and eagerness
to make a quick buck all the while being safe and snuggled
in at your computer. Last year, when the X-box 360 craze was
full bore, I made roughly about $9000 Canadian ($2.45
American) profit in 3 short weeks....
Step 1 - Know your enemy, Love thy enemy.
The average ebay'er is a moron. You know this, I know this,
that's why we love them. They're prepared to pay anywhere up
to four times the going rate on anything, so long as they
perceive they're winning. Always assess your general
audience by they're willingness to bargain and haggle,
through countless wheeling and dealing, and emails, they'll
try to sell their first and 9th children to you in order to
get the blessed object of their desires.
Step 2 - Find your market, Expand your horizons.
EBay is a wonderful tool. Everyone should remember it is in
fact a tool. Don't let the idea of making a quick buck deter
you, nor allow it to cloud your otherwise un-impeded judgment.
When running an eBay auction, your goal, is to get your
message out, as far, and as hard as you can. When selecting
regions to which you will ship to, make sure your European,
your Mexican and Canadian friends and American friends are
Step 3 - 10 Day countdown, and EBay’s Policies of a Pre-Sale.
This is the most important thing you can remember. 10 days
before the release of the PS3 is when you can sell how ever
many of the PS3's you've managed to garner. DO NOT use Papal
to collect your money until the day of the release, paypal's
policies ARE NOT eBay’s. They have a slightly different
system and will try to fark you up the ass for being a money
In your auction listing, place the following disclaimer,
which you find among others who have the same idea as you do
to fleece the moronic, "This is a pre-sale, the PS3 has not
been released yet, it will be shipped to you on "insert
date" or within 72 hours of said date". It should be noted,
many people will be using this line or something similar,
find it, copy it, and paste it your auction listing. Doing
this will ensure the eBay monkeys will leave you alone, and
won't steal your cookies
Step 4 - Setting your profit margin, or how to fleece the enemy.
When setting up your happy little auction, ensure you set
the minimum bids to no less than 1/3 or 1/2 the original
purchase price. Why you ask? Because you really don't want
morons bidding on your auction and thinking they'll win with
a $5, $32, or $112 bid. They wont', and it's a waste of your
When setting up your reserve, ALWAYS, set it to 15% above
the purchase price, including taxes, shipping, and your
papal and eBay fee's, as a whole and making that, your
reserve price. You want to make sure you are covered and
that in no way will you lose anything on it.
Step 5 - They wants their precious, make em pay through the
nose. Just a little.
When setting up your shipping prices. I recommend, the
following; Quote exact shipping to your destination, with
insurance, and add 10% for shipping and handling. Ensure
that your little friend who pays for it, understands that
you won't know the exact shipping cost until the auction is
won. But make a quick estimate, and tell them it could be
higher, or lower depending.
I can't stress enough, how much you want to put in your
auction listing, that shipping will "calculated" for the
winner at the end of the auction, and will be "exact" for
their particular destination. What you don't mention is the
handling fee's, they won't balk too much, and you've already
gotten the money for shipping.
Insurance, is the big one. ALWAYS, ship anything you send,
with full insurance and don't skimp out on it. AND, always
add $2 extra. Declarations on the boxes indicating gift etc
to avoid extra taxes etc, are always a good idea. Ask them
if they want it, and do it. It takes 5 minutes to fill out
the paperwork and most posties know what their doing, so get
them to help you out, and make everyone wait in line because
you are more important than the rest. Mwahahaha.
Step 6 - Cashing in, and when to bail when the market is
When collecting payment from your little friends, make sure
it's in the easiest form possible. I recommend, FIRST, money
orders, for Canadians and Americans the Postal ones are
King, and require no fee's whatsoever. For everyone else,
use Papal, because lets face it, it's pretty good, but
paypal is a scam in itself, so be careful, and always keep a
zero balance with Papal, you don't want to get fraked by a
paypal moron who's got nothing better to do than make you
For the first couple of weeks, 10 days before the release
date of the PS3 and 2 after, as well as and the week before
x-mas, when everyone is scrambling and pining for the "OMG
HAXORS COOL" object of their desire is your key to success.
I recommend picking these dates for when you will make the
most of your profit.
Step 7 - Wash, Rinse, Repeat.
Always remember, that your local video store employee's can
be bribed, so make friends with your video game places,
they'll love you, and will always enjoy your company. This
will also ensure, you get as many PS3's as possible. When
you get your profit, always sink it back into buying more,
thusly, you will have as many opportunities to make as much
cash as you want.
Step 8 - Repentance, or how to cleanse your soul.
Go to church, confess your sins. Or, give $20 to a street
kid who looks like they've not had a bath in a couple of
days. Absolution is cheap, don't skimp out on it. Karma is
Up next - Chapters Books - And how to make a quick buck
while abusing their return system. (while getting an almost
free iPod in the bargain too)