Lenora

Whatsername
2006-09-07 04:38:05 (UTC)

Read me

Listening to "I will follow you into the dark". It's a
sweet song. Aparently it's mine and current dude's song.
He plays it really well on the guitar. I'm a sucker for
musicians. Yup.

I realized today that I don't trust anyone. Ever. My best
friend right now, I even keep things from her. It's like I
give little tidbits of the puzzle to some people, but
never enough that anyone could ever piece it together. And
I wonder why the guys I go out with never seem to have a
clue as to who I am. What else could I ever possibly
expect?

I'm a fairly gullible person. Basically, I am easily
manipulated. You could tell me anything, and I would
believe you. And act accordingly.

So maybe I'll believe what you say, and react the way you
would want me to. But I realize that I am in fact the most
gullible person on the planet, and still expect to be
backstabbed at any given moment.

So, once again, I'm into the dating thing. Really like so
and so. . . .the same old routine. But this one is older
than I am. Not that actual age in itself is a bad thing.
It's the experience that comes with age. And no, my head
is not entirely in the gutter. I'm thinking, this guy has
sooo much more experience in social situations than
myself. Better at reading people, maybe manipulating
people, etc.... I sound so uber-paranoid, and I no doubt
am, but . . .agh. I AM the most gullible person in the
world, and this guy.....I would really like to trust him,
but his story keeps changing. Not really changing, but his
reasons for certain actions are implausible. He'll expand
upon a previous conversation with a contradiction. It all
makes him very hard to understand. Either he is one
complicated and very reserved person. . .or he's full of
shit.

Another thing is that he has different values than I do.
I'm fairly shy, very relationship-y. He's not particularly
shy, seems fairly relationship-y. I invest a lot in
people. If someone doesn't take me as seriously as I take
them. . . .not good.

So, in closing, I am exactly where I am left every time I
get involved. I am scared to fucking death.

I'm analyzing everything to bits. If you analyze anything
to bits, you will find faults. I never know when I'm
worrying too much, and when I'm just being smart.




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