DuckhoJen

How I amaze myself

I amaze myself, at how I seem, to let the people who
probally had the most true, caring feelings for me, walk
out of my life. Dean, for example...one of the most real,
non fake...halfway thugged out boys, that got to know me,
for me. I guess it's all about timing...the relationship
he wanted with me, I wasn't ready for...so I got scared,
and shyed (however you spell it) away from him. Now he's
in the service, or so Erin tells me, and I think...what a
great person he is, and why did I let him leave my life? I
still have that rose i got, and the cute lil ducky from him
on my birthday. And my grandma's comments about his
tattoos and how cute he was. But, right now, I'm kind of
sad he's gone.

Then there's uhm..we'll call him S. I had a good
relationship with S, except he had a problem being late,
and forgot to how to use a phone during emergencies. I
amaze myself, as to why I let this one leave. I guess he
isn't totally gone, we have some nice friendly chit chat
now and then, but it's nothing like before. Seriously, I
sit and think about these things, (usually when I'm at
school trying to learn)...and I can never come up with an
answer that I know is true. I doubt everything. Maybe
thats my problem, nothing is sure and truthful anymore...
speaking of TRUTH...that word seems to scare everyone.
TRUTH HURTS. I get over it. So will you...Unless you are
some crazed psychopath, but thats a whole other story..okay
tah tah for now.