Tainted in shackles

Unintentional/iInTeNtiOnal DaMagE
2006-08-07 04:22:58 (UTC)

i dont trust me

12:19AM


How can i trust him if i dont trust myself enough to let me
trust him. I feel he's lying to me for once i wish i can
read his mind. i have a feeling that he's cheating on me.
Just like i did wit the others. they all lied and said they
were'nt then it came of that they were. he supposed to be
moving to cali to get a better start on his acting. i read
his comments on myspace, those chicks cant wait till he get
there. i bet he cant wait til he gets there either.he hasnt
called me back yet, his boy said who is that kiesha earlier
when i was on the phone with him then quickly snatched it
back. Maybe im not meant to be in a relationship i mean for
real i already dont know what to think about him, i knw
what i want, but i dont know if that him being him or him
being someone else. plus his attitude the past couple of
days has been shitty and will he tell me why, no. He brings
up this guys name earlier who i went to school, with like
yeah i spoke to ol' boy ummmm you know your boy, and he
keeps bringing up that i liked him. so fucking what that
was 4 years ago, a high school crush on a popular guy. i
got over it. i wish i never would have fucking told him.
likee im supposed to care that they spoke, he didnt speak
to me in high school and we dont speak now. i want an man
who just likes spending time with me, sexy funny, smart,
talented***, can hold a conversation, thinks that im just
as beautiful in clothes as i am out of them. Some one who
wants to do things for me and with me, just because, some
one that makes and effort and shows me that im appreciated.
like i do. maybe this is a mistake, i love him but, id
rather let him go than be hurt by him and end up hating
him. I feel like crying...my eyes are filling up so i guess
i'll sign of for now.