Ambers readings and life from day to day
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2006-08-06 21:19:05 (UTC)

My first entry...

Ok so much I have to say. Well let me start by
venting...Robb is my soon to be ex-husband and though we
are getting along pretty well I still hold a grudge
against him for things in our relationship. Sure I'm not
gonna lie I knew when I was being bitchy and sure I knew
how to push his buttons when I wanted, I never said I was
an angel in all this. But what I want to know is how can
the same person that makes you feel so pretty and wanted
be the same person that tells you your
fat,ugly,worthless,a bad wife,a horrible person...etc etc?
Everytime I look in the mirror I hate what I see. Because
he obviously felt that way about me or else we would be
together today. As I write this I'm sobbing because just
to hear him say it in my head still hurts. How could I
have let him tear me down? I feel like I need closure but
how? It won't come from him because he has no remorse...he
wasn't happy he says so he moved on, end of story. I am
trying to be more spiritual in my path through life but I
hate myself. I truly despise the person I am inside and
out. I hate the fact that I still think about him and let
it hurt me.....I hate that I was never pretty or skinny
enough for him. I should hate him with all that I am but I
don't...I still love him because despite all the bad I
truly thought he was the one for me. But what did I know
huh? Ohh it feels good to let some of this out! I have
tried to be strong and not let things get to me but they
have always been in the back of my mind. I do make an
effort everyday to move forward with my life and not let
this stop me in my tracks. I have children to think about
and one on the way. Well I don't think I have very much
more room to write. So until next time...may the god and
goddess look upon you.