tbqb12

my stupid mouth
2006-08-03 20:18:44 (UTC)

one is silver and the other's gold

i don't even know where to start. i think when i look
back on my college years, i will have the fondest memories
of the times during which i was at home.

first off, an update on the nick situation...which has not
occurred in, say, 8 or 9 months. i decided to invite him
to play poker when i had it at my house. he didn't see
that i had invited him until the day after the game
because i'm a loser and invite people via facebook walls.
he sent me this really weird message saying he hopes i
don't think we're not friends anymore even though he knows
we haven't talked in a long time. yeah, usually i talk to
the people i consider my friends. i probably wouldn't
have said what i did in my reply if it weren't for being
with matt now. but i decided to tell him everything,
albeit very succinctly, that i have been wanting to say
all along...well, except for the part about me liking him
a ridiculous amount and being miserable when i found out
about his girlfriend. yeah, definitely thought i should
leave that out. anyway, i told him i thought he just
ignored all his friends once he got a girlfriend and that
i had considered him one of my best friends before that
but then he totally blew me off. so...no reply to
that...untill he IMed me today. we talked about random
stuff, mainly about how damon doesn't invite him for poker
at his house. nick's so mad about that...like waaaay more
mad than he should be. for goodness' sake, it's just
damon. who cares what he thinks? nick was at work when
he was talking to me, and he actually had to do something
at one point, but he wanted me to be online when he got
back. he told me he misses me. i hate that he says that
even though it satisfies me at the same time.

i didn't wait around by the computer for him, although
there was a time when i definitely would have. i checked
my computer later on, and he had left me two or three IMs
complete with a sad-faced emoticon wanting me to return.
we talked for almost an hour after that. he fiiiiiinally
said something about his girlfriend, and i called him out
on never saying anything before. i think he was surprised
that i thought it was weird he had never, ever mentioned
her to me before. he said the reason was that i'm a
girl. i told him, if anything, that was a reason for him
to be more comfortable talking to me about it. and i told
him about matt. he asked me a bunch of questions about
him. i invited his girlfriend for poker, but apparently
she's really good, so now i kind of regret that. i just
figured he might be more comfortable if she came since he
thinks no one wants him there (even though i assured him
about a million times that damon is the only one who would
object). when the conversation slowed a little, i told
him i was going to go eat, and he kept trying to make me
stay, and when i finally did leave, he told me to hurry
back. someone please explain this behavior. i just hope
all this means that we can be friends again...not that we
were ever not friends...i just want it to be like it used
to be. i miss him, too.

yeah, so enough about nick. my relationship with matt is
more unbelievable to me than anything nick says. and by
unbelievable, i don't mean amazing (although it's not NOT
amazing). i mean that i don't believe that after all my
complaining and self-pity (which i now wish i had kept to
myself a lot more often), it was well worth the wait. i
hate when people in new relationships say, "it feels like
we've known each other forever." but i will say that it
feels like we've been together a lot longer than just a
few weeks. right now, the hardest part is trying to piece
together the at sears matt with the outside of sears matt
because they are two very different people...although we
have had some trouble keeping those two separate. last
night, i told him how difficult it is for me to go to work
and have to treat him like my manager.

more people at work find out every day. usually, they say
something to him, not me. but i do get the
occasional, "so you're dating matt?" or even better, my
personal favorite, the joking remark, "i hope you don't
think you're going to get preferential treatment now."
don't they remember that i was getting preferential
treatment before all this started anyway? well, that was
treatment that i earned; this is a little different. it's
not even so much preferential as just completely different
from the way he used to treat me...and that's only because
we went from no eye contact to dating! i think the
funniest comment i've gotten was when tom found out (which
matt was worried about but turned out to be just fine) and
greeted me one morning with, "good morning, mrs. wilson"
and then proceeded to shake my hand and congratulate me as
if we're engaged. i know this is ridiculous, but i keep
thinking about how many people from sears would have to be
at our wedding. oh wait, i'm the one who wants to slow
this down.

it's not that i think we're going too fast. i really like
matt. i just don't feel like we know each other really
well. i know it will come with time...and with turning
off the freaking tv...

i don't know...i just really don't want to go back to
school in a month.




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