baygirl66

I Debbie...
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2006-08-03 13:19:18 (UTC)

So Here I Am Typing Again and Venting.........

Okay it is time to reinvent myself yet again. I had
forgotten how involved in your pain you can get when you
allow others actions to permeate into your thoughts and
emotions. SO ....here goes nothing.

I am not going to allow myself to get so hung up on how
long the kids sleep. Even Joey. After all he is going to a
different school in about a month. And no one will be as
obsessed about letting him sleep as I am. I know this. So
what am I fighting so hard for. I am just making my job
that much more difficult and driving myself crazy in the
process. And I need all the sanity I can get.

I am not going to allow myself to become upset when the
others at the daycare do stuff that is just plain stupid.
Like use their cellphones too much or get personal phone
calls every frigin day. Part of the problem is that they
have been allowed to do this in the past. The pattern has
already been established. It is silly to think that I
would be able to change it and even sillier to get pissed
about it.

I am not going to allow myself to get pissed or huffy
because a kid is crying because they are hungry or tired
or wet. This includes not getting pissed or huffy because
the other person in the room isn't having enough common
sence to get off the cell phone or stop talking to their
best friend about where they want to eat. It will get
done. Either the other person will get off the phone or
pay attention to the child, or I will be able to get free
to attend to their needs. After all it is their needs that
matter most. And if others there can't see that, then that
is their problem.

I am going to continue to write in this diary when I need
to vent and I won't let the others hear about it. They are
so narsacistic(boy is that ever a hard word to spell) that
they can't see that I want to vent too. For whatever
reason they shut down either by turning away or becoming
stone faced when I get too wound up. The one teacher once
said that when a parent was there just rambling she just
didn't care to listen. That same mentality permeates when
I vent or try to vent. Shannon in my room at least
pretends to listen. She does a really good immitation of
that. But as Brian gives me the same look upon occasion,
like when storm schasing is on his brain,I know that look.
No matter how well it is masked. And you know its funny
when I am telling a story that is funny, they listen
better. But back to the two methods of tuning me out..
Kelly is good at the turning away method. She will turn to
the side and look down. Not that I haven't seen that one
before. Talk about a "tell".

These people for the most part have never left Kansas. And
I think I know now why it took Dorothy a tornado to change
her opinion on things. Or to leave for even just a minute.
They wouldn't make it in the real world where they have to
put others needs above their own. Sad Sad Sad.

Hmmm what else. I am not going to break my back because
others aren't getting to something in a timely manner. The
more I do everything or my concept of everything, the more
others are going to think they can just let me and the
more I have to do. If the bottle is on the counter for a
while so be it. If the time a kid wakes up doesn't get
written in oh well. I think the kid will surbibe. And I
will be saner for it. Not a big deal and not worth getting
myself worked up about it. I am extremely neat and
organized. If others aren't that is neither my problem or
concern.

I Debbie


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