Ben

Stuff
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2006-08-03 07:31:52 (UTC)

Somehow...

I don't see a point in writing this.. But for some
reason, here it is.

It feels like someone has beaten then holy hell out of me
and im defenseless. I don't know how to make this feeling
go away.. I don't know if I can trust anyone. Why should
I? Anyone that has ever gotten close to me has left me
high and dry. I'm so sick and tired of people. I'm so
sick and tired of doing whatever they want me to do and I
know what I have to do to fix the problem. I need to cut
everyone out of my life; like I did about a year ago.. I
don't think thats a smart thing to do, im going into the
navy soon and I want to keep my friends.. I love my
friends and without them, i'd already be dead. But I
can't help but thinking im already dead.

All I know is that somehow I need to fix this problem. I
can't keep holding it inside... Something is going to
give. Something is going to change because this feeling
is unbearable. Knowing that I have never had a healthy
relationship in my entire life puts a complete damper on
my confidence. If I was the opposite of me, i'd be the
greatest man living.. Which makes me the most vile human
being alive.


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