This is the beloved air I breathe
2006-07-30 18:55:27 (UTC)

Bella Note

I have a friend who just moved here from Puerto Rico in
November. She and I both have come out of destructive
relationships, and we are both in the process of creating a
new life for ourselves. She decided that she was going to
take me dancing last night - to a "latin night". I told her
that I didn't know how to dance, and I was totaly nervous
about it, but I decided to go and I thought that it would be
really fun. I even went out and bought a new pair of jeans
for the thing.
I have been losing weight lately and working out, so I was
excited to get all dressed up. Well, there was supposed to
be a group of people meeting us there, and NOBODY showed up.
we just sat there, and then one guy - who is interested in
her - showed up. So I had to sit there drinking a corona on
plastic patio furniture outside this Bar/Club while she and
this guy talked.
And she was totally excited about going there to dance, and
when i tried to get her to dance, she wouldn't - she was
emberassed by me cause I didn't know how to dance - and she
wouldn't teach me - she wouldn't even try.
So then, she decides to go out into the parking lot with
this guy, and she just left me sitting there all alone.

I know it sounds silly, cause I'm not 15, and I'm not
supposed to be disapointed about things like that - But I
was supposed to go there just to have fun, and dance and
forget about life and just meet people. Instead I sat on
alone at a white plastic table trying very hard to hold back
the tears that were welling up behind my eyes while my
friend was in the parking lot with her new love interest and
I was in a place where I knew NO ONE and it was all a
culture I wasn't familiar with. I am interested in getting
to know her culture, but I feel so out of place.
and I just can't believe that she left me there like that!

I just went home. What else could I do?

I could have thought of a million more useful ways to spend
my time than sitting there like a bump on a log with someone
who was only there with me until someone better came along.

I know i need to talk to her, but somehow I'm not sure that
she knows the meaning of true friendship.
And I have a feeling that the only reason that we are
friends is because she is lonely and I was one of the only
people that reached out to her.


It's not the biggest deal in the world - I'm over it - I was
just disapointed about it. I came home and watched
Stargate SG1 on DVD until 5:30 in the morning and then went
to bed.