Tainted in shackles

my man is..

i wish that i could have a man that would for once sweep me
off my feet do something that makes me feel special to him,
take me some place, buy something for once, go on a date do
something that just knocks me off my feet. It seems like i
always run into the one person who has nothing, just like i
do and both of us are trying to dig out of a hole. For once
i want some one out of the hole. Some one who already have
something to offer me. I have almost nothin, i work part-
time and when i can get some hours and go to school. I
havent been on a date in almost 3 years, and i've been in
this relationship for almost 2. I want to go somewhere and
not have to pay. Have us stop and get something to eat and
not have to go in my purse. ITS NOT FAIR. I love the guy im
with and i dont want to lose him but i think of the life
this i could have if i wasnt with him or if i had met him
sooner and i feel like im getting the broken raw end of the
deal.

Sometimes i wish that i could have just been born blessed
with a better life because the one that i have right now
sucks ass like gay men in an orgy. no offense.

I think im depressed, i dont think that im asking for to
much i dont live in a nieghborhood where you can take a
midnight stroll with your lover but a picnic is damn near
free....i drop hints like its nice out, or i want to do
something emphasis on something which isnt sex. Although
thats really good with him, but it doesnt make up for not
going out any where. This scale is so fucking unbalanced i
feel like its 70-30.

I keep reminding myself that he is a good man, and that he
would like to be able to do the things for me that i
deserve, he loves me we're getting married one day, it wont
always be like this, yada yada yada.... one day at a time
relax girl it'll get better. Well i wish better will hurry
the hell up