Jackie

(shakes head)

Hola! Im back! I just got to remove some stuff that is on
my chest....I almost broke up with my wife yesterday. Its
just that every time I hang out with my friend
Debra....she makes me realize things. Debra just got her
heart broken by some dumbass Marine and is depressed. The
way she talks sometimes makes me realize that why should
you be with someone that has hurt you before. I let all
that shit get into my head and at the end of the day when
I see Laura....I turn against her. Debra isn't doing it on
purpose, its just that my mind just thinks like that. I
have like no self-esteem and me thinking about Laura doing
stuff from the past....it just well makes me sad and I
feel lower of myself than I already do. Its like Im
competing with a ghost or something. Im scared. Its one of
the ugliest feelings I have ever felt, I've felt it three
times in my life. All three with her. I sometimes think
its not fair that Im still with her and me feeling a
little like that to this day but I love her. Its crazy. It
still hurts to this day. Yesterday, I was looking for some
people from my past on that stupid webpage myspace....I
found someone I wished was the last person I would see on
there. A girl that she left me for two years ago. Laura
said she never left me for her but come on....I break up
with Laura, get with her and then she breaks up with me
and I find out from two people that she has been talking
to that girl the whole time. I know Im better than that
girl, I know that and not to sound conceited but I
shouldn't feel this way. Sometimes I believe the solution
to the problem is to break up with Laura, so I won't have
to feel about all that shit but....I don't see myself
without her. Don't get me wrong, she has changed alot, a
360 turn. But honestly, I don't trust her. My
friend's....well shes more of an acquantance now, her
girlfriend has been wanting to talk to her. Laura just
recently moved to another house and her phone has been
turned off. Like two days ago, Mercy, the one that has
been getting ahold of Laura, called once more. She told
Laura that she has been calling her for a week now. She
called through her brother's cell phone instead of hers. I
guess she was thinking that if Laura doesn't answer her
cell, she should call by using her brother's cell. That
sounds a little to desperate to me. Laura says she does
not find her attractive....I wouldn't blame her. I've
asked other people and her own girlfriend and they tell me
the same thing....I know its sad. But from what I
remember....Laura has never told me that she doesn't find
that girl Mel, the one that I found on myspace, not
attractive. I've done the imaginable for Laura and she has
to me also, recently. But is it fair to stay with her even
though all she has put me through is worth it? Get back at
me you guys. I know your most likely reading this
Laura....Im sorry for you to be hearing this.
Airhead....hey Airhead, thanks for everything man! Love ya!

Jackie