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2006-07-24 03:42:53 (UTC)

I can t figure him out. I m..

I can't figure him out. I'm trying to find my diary when
I first met him so I can find out wtf is going on. HE has
strange abstract ideas but I knew that. I didn't know what
he was like but we have this connection. I tried to figure
out what type of girls he likes it seems the ones that are
somewhat strange. I guess like me. The only thing I know
he doesn't like is intrusion into his privacy and I never
do that.
I can't tell if he's upset with me sometimes or maybe it
is not understanding the opposite sex.
I love him and if that is what he is looking for I think
he knows that I do. He does like to be admired and wanted
and that is my attitude that I have towards him like I am
a fan or something. I feel that he is an interesting and
great man so I will always have that attiutude towards
him.I think I can justify anything wrong that he will do
but I hope I won't have to. I hope he doesn't turn out to
be like the others. I couldn't take it I am too attached
this time.
I don't like to rock the boat for this reason. I don't
want to ask questions or make too many demands. I'm happy.
I worry that if he's gone that I may not feel this way
about someone else again.
I wonder though I'm not sure. 4 months ago I was sure I
would never get over someone else but I got over that one
easily. I don't know how I got to this guy but it
happened. Life is great like that. But C is one of a kind
and he is worth anything I have to do to keep him. I just
worry because I know how these virgos are. Sometimes they
don't talk to you and they do this push pull thing that
drives you crazy and he is into expressing emotions or I
guess being spontaneous but at the same time if he really
know how unstable I could be I wonder if that wouldn't
scare him more.
Sure I am myself but to a degree. The first guy I cared
about I was totally crazy about him and I acted crazy too.
I can't do that here. I think I really did believe that
when he said goodbye that my life was over. For so long I
had been misunderstood and when someone finally understood
me it was like I was alive for the first time. And then I
was dead again. Life what does it mean without someone
understanding you. Not much. And not where you have to
explain yourself but where they just understand. They just
Sometimes I don't know how to behave or what to do.

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