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2006-07-24 03:42:53 (UTC)

I can t figure him out. I m..

I can't figure him out. I'm trying to find my diary when
I first met him so I can find out wtf is going on. HE has
strange abstract ideas but I knew that. I didn't know what
he was like but we have this connection. I tried to figure
out what type of girls he likes it seems the ones that are
somewhat strange. I guess like me. The only thing I know
he doesn't like is intrusion into his privacy and I never
do that.
I can't tell if he's upset with me sometimes or maybe it
is not understanding the opposite sex.
I love him and if that is what he is looking for I think
he knows that I do. He does like to be admired and wanted
and that is my attitude that I have towards him like I am
a fan or something. I feel that he is an interesting and
great man so I will always have that attiutude towards
him.I think I can justify anything wrong that he will do
but I hope I won't have to. I hope he doesn't turn out to
be like the others. I couldn't take it I am too attached
this time.
I don't like to rock the boat for this reason. I don't
want to ask questions or make too many demands. I'm happy.
I worry that if he's gone that I may not feel this way
about someone else again.
I wonder though I'm not sure. 4 months ago I was sure I
would never get over someone else but I got over that one
easily. I don't know how I got to this guy but it
happened. Life is great like that. But C is one of a kind
and he is worth anything I have to do to keep him. I just
worry because I know how these virgos are. Sometimes they
don't talk to you and they do this push pull thing that
drives you crazy and he is into expressing emotions or I
guess being spontaneous but at the same time if he really
know how unstable I could be I wonder if that wouldn't
scare him more.
Sure I am myself but to a degree. The first guy I cared
about I was totally crazy about him and I acted crazy too.
I can't do that here. I think I really did believe that
when he said goodbye that my life was over. For so long I
had been misunderstood and when someone finally understood
me it was like I was alive for the first time. And then I
was dead again. Life what does it mean without someone
understanding you. Not much. And not where you have to
explain yourself but where they just understand. They just
do.
Sometimes I don't know how to behave or what to do.


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