I Debbie...
2006-07-12 23:25:01 (UTC)

Oh Why Not

If it isn't enough of a pain in the ass dealing with
screaming babies I have to come home to the biggest one of
all. I am not saying I need him to actually consistantly
do anything as mundane as clean up after himself but it
would be nice and really quite normal for him to think of
us as a married couple before his needs. OKay like
tonight. In order for him to go on his three day float
which by the way he assumed he could just afford to go on
without any kind of budget forethought, he needs cash. At
the grocery store last night he about went hog wild on
beer and food. Like he is the only one going who is going
to be bringing food and beer. Then he didn't tell me how
much to write the check out for Tom who is organizing the
trip. Not a big thing except that I need to know for what
date to make it out for this or next week. I haven't
gotten his check in the bank yet, it will be direct
deposited Fri morning. With it I have to pay rent. I am
assuming the check will go in okay. But rather than bet on
it I told him I thought we should be careful. Fast forward
to today. I gave him my debit card STUPID of Me, and said
take out 80. He left a note that he went to the bread
store too. Like for what??? I am so fucking sick of being
taken for granted by everyone. Why can't he fucking listen
to me??? Would it kill him for him to say okay she is
being a bit overdone on the money but rather than piss her
off I am just going to listen to her.No of course not.
That would be too easy and less of a hastle for everyone.
okay I know it is a bread store. But the point is that I
said one thing and he does whatever he fucking wants to.
Why? Because he knows that I will get over it after a
sufficient period of cooling off time. Until the next time
he decides to do whatever he wants. And I don't want him
to wait on me hand and foot. Oh gosh no. But after a 9-10
hour day for me I really would like him to at least start
dinner. I am hungry after I get off. And ever since he got
his new job he hasn't been good about even starting that
or at the very least doing the dishes. So I come home
having had a day without a break unless the babies were in
bed....ever try to get 6 babies to sleep at the same
time?????....and he is at the bank and bread store. It
took me all of 10 min to wash the dishes and put some meat
in the oven. I about just had a sandwich but I really am
really hungry. Papa John's Pizza sucks, by the way!!

And another thing,.. Man, I lost my trian of thought. Oh
yah the garden. The other day he is standing not three
feet from the balcony he turns and asks me how the garden
is going. Like huh? Move your feet in a direction other
than the sofa and find out for yourself. Do you want me to
wipe your ass, too?

And back on the other topic, If you give someone the
assigned task of paying bills why don't you give them the
respect they deserve? By not listening to me not only is
he telling me he doesn't want to do it himself but then he
also doesn't want the responsability of listening to me.

It's 6:30 and he has been gone for an hour. See? I will
have gotten cooled down enough by the time he comes back
that I won't even want to talk to him. Or I will want to
talk and he will say something like allergies are
bothering him or he had a bad day, or better yet that
traffic was bad. I mean how much shit does he need for a
float? I could have been the one micro budgeting all along
but its his fucking float trip.

Gosh if he walks in and says I am home dinner ready I am
going to blow my stack. Like no fucking shit!

And how many empty cups of water does here need to be in a
room? Good thing that is one thing he does without any
energy from me. I laugh at him to myself when he announces
that he is going to clean it and it takes him no joke 4
hours. It takes me that long to clean and dust the rest
of the apartment. I hate buying clothes for him because he
has no regard for them or taking care of them. There is
this worn spot on his work pants from his wallet. His
comment was we (we...??) will just have to buy sonme new
ones. Oh I see. All you have to do is, is your
motherfucking sign!!!

I wish I knew how to end the cycle but I don't. Except for
leaving. And I have thought of that but what is out there
is so much worse. that at least I know what to expect. I
sound like a spousal abuse partner.

At times I do feel like I am abused, mentally worn down to
a frazle of a bit of dust.

Get this. Dumbass came in. Said bread store was a code for
something related to my birthday. I told him I wish he
hadn't said bread store because I got pissed. He asked why
and I told him that I felt like he wasn't respecting me.
He said how and got huffy. I said never mind. Wasn't worth
even trying to explain any of my seemingly scewed
emotions. No matter how founded they were.

If he thinks I am going to apologize, no matter that he
did nothing physically wrong he is mistaken.

I Debbie