Torrance the Vamp

The Vamp's Mind
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2006-07-05 06:53:57 (UTC)

Where do I start?

There is so much that I wanna say. But I'm not exactly
sure what it is. There's something that I really wanna say
but I'm not sure if it's true or what it could mean if I
do. I'm losing myself in fantasies again. But sometimes I
wish that I was in a psych ward because of them. Not
living in this world but the one in my head. Not having to
deal with this world. Free from reality. And the part that
scares me the most. Is if I could do that I don't think I
would want to come back. What's holding me here is gone in
the summer. I don't want next year to come. And it feels
like it's just around the corner and not 2 months. It's so
close. I'm scared. I don't wanna go back.

But I have to. I have to face the monotony of life. The
monotony of school. The monotony of failure. The monotony
of emptyness. There is nothing.

I'm in over my head. And noone can help me.

Is this true or am I just trying to get attention again.

Leaving for mexico on saturday. Be back in August. I
stabbed myself in the foot with a toothpick on accident.
Well actually the toothpick stabbed me cuz it was on the
floor. It hurts like hell's mother.

Fireworks were cool. I kept thinking of him. I saw Jared
from science. He's cool. I hugged him. I got a glow sticky

He's still in my head. He won't go away. But the worst
thing I can do is to let him stay and keep alive something
that no longer exists and never did in the first place.


Thought of the Day:

I'm going to end up kiling people this summer. I can feel
it. It'll start with my brother. Move to the extended
family. And probably will get the male population of the
world. I'm also gonna end up cussing when I go back to
school. I'm so close right now.