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2006-07-01 16:37:52 (UTC)

his name is cris

I am a sad person but sometimes I am happy. I noticed
with craig he's like that all the time. He can be happy
but he's gloomy all the time. He told me he was a pensive
child and he doesn't smile easily and all that. Anyway
they are endearing qualities all the same. I got
frustrated one time and I just kept away from him for a
day or so I don't know what I was trying to do maybe just
felt sadder than usual wanted to be alone. He was asking
me if he did something wrong and I said no. Then he keeps
to himself because I dunno he really beleives that I am
mad or something. Sometimes I find him staring off into
space like he has his own world that I am not a part of. I
don't mind that is why I like him so much he is so
interesting. I don't care if he's eccentric or odd or
whatever. I am not normal either and I wouldn't expect him
to be.
He has his moods sometimes alot like me. When I feel sad
though sometimes I like to be around him so I can focus on
someone else other than me. He helps me forget my problems
I know I have this dissociative tendency at times just to
detach from myself and totally focus on someone else. It
is strange. The last time it happen I was 18 and I'm not
sure what happened. Some things were so vivid which I know
did not happen but when you have a strong emotional
connection with someone somehow you are able to suspend
disbelief.
Later on I am thinking to myself did this really happen
is it in my head. Was he really here. I mean some things
obviously are visions I know it is not possible for like
that to appear. When I really fall in love amazing things
happen I can't tell if something was a fantasy I had or if
it really happened. I don't know if it is the intensity of
the emotions or what. Some things go beyond the physical,
the here and now. Maybe it is because I am an artist and
I'm very sensitive. I'm not sure


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