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2006-07-01 04:33:02 (UTC)

grief

Wow it has been a awhile since I wrote. Well it didn't
pan out with adonis. I know I pick men that are different
I don't know why I can't help what turns me on. I got
involved with someone and I'm caught up with him. He has
taken over my brain this happens to me when I fall for
someone. I think of him all the time I love him all the
time. I knew there is a catch though.
I met him at a time when I was lonely which is usually
the case. I was so heartbroken because I lost my cat and I
was crying alot (I have since found her). She was my baby
and I was very despondent and devastated I wanted to die.
Actually I usually never seek people out because I hate
them but I guess I was approachable that day. He asked me
what was wrong can he help.
Well he lived in this huge house and I guess he was
going through grief too he had lost his mother. Anyway I
guess I would go see him and our relationship was
plautonic. We were both sad but I know that when I am
grieving I always end up getting involved with someone. It
just happens. My usual defences were broken down and I
cried more easily. It kept triggering this other memory I
had of my mother giving my dog away that I had also found
and I never saw her again.
Mostly he was comforting me. But eventually he told me
to come by anytime I wanted and I guess I basically lived
there. He lived in his original childhood home and he
wasn't into changing anything. I liked his house it had a
sense of mystery about it.
AT some point I must have fallen in love with him. Come
to think of it he was handsome and his quirkyness was
charming. He had jet black hair and lovely green eyes. He
was very reserved so I didn't think he was interested in
me at all. Sometimes he would look at me not in any
special way I don't think.


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