Lost_cold_alone

Flying on broken wings
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2006-06-30 09:39:40 (UTC)

Time made up

Dear Diary,

After so long, I didn't know if I could come back here.
There has been so much gone on. Not to long ago I
graduated with Honors, my parents and younger brothers
came. Though those that I hadn't seen in so long... didn't
come. I wished that Kev would of come, my family from
England, and yet no one did. My older "brother" Chris R.
didn't come either, he said that he would. I trusted that
he would, like any sister would... as you know my parents
broke up. It started with my father
walking out on us, he was so mad at my mother for the
things that she was saying. Childish in a way, but there
was no other real way. He got himself an apartment, and
now has fully moved in and we are happy visiting now and
then. He comes back to the house sometimes, but there is
still fighting as always. He is making friends, and mum is
working ever harder at working. She has so many degrees
now I am so proud of her, she really didn't fall when
father let her drop.

My brother Harry does skeet shooting, sorry if I spelt
that wrong, and is really good at it. Chris still does
paintball... though sadly neither boy plays hockey now.
The cost is to much, and with my parents paying for two
houses, we just can't do it. I stopped swimming for Team-
yes, and now just swim at home. Mother is going to bring
the fitness class she runs home, and when she does I will
have a part time job. I will get the chance to teach the
clients how to do basic strokes. During this time I have-
well mostly just recently I have found out things, and
learnt more.

I just came back from a tip, and it was horrid! I found
out about myself, and was hurt in ways... I just don’t
want to talk about really. But on the plane I did get some
wonderful photos of the sky... I felt so bad for my friend
though. I stayed with her on the phone for all I could;
she was shaking and crying for what seemed forever... I
didn't know what do. It hurt me... Because the he was a
friend of mine (note: I won’t give out his name, because
of personal reasons). I had built trust around him, and-
well him hurting her just made me so angry... but I
couldn't do anything but cry with her. She is fine now,
and so am I... you know friendship really does come in the
strangest of times. I hate him now for what he has done...
but I can't stay mad... I still trust him... I wish my
master was here... I really could do with talking to him.
I don’t know what to do, I feel lost. I just wish that I
could have a hug right now. Seeing my father and having
him blow me off just hurts. You see he was supposed to
pick me up from the airport with mother, but he didn't
come. Even mum is busy now. My brother is away and my
little brother is going to a sleep over. My sister works
non stop, and my eldest brother is about to go to war... I
just feel lost; I wish I could have a job... stupid green
card. *sigh* ... well if you want to know anything, please
just ask. Right now I feel like an open book...

So just ask away... besides I have also been reading...
and I see how bad a person I have been to sir. I feel
ashamed... I really do. I don’t know... my heart is
racing, but in time I hope that I can prove myself… Come
to him at all times, remember things that he likes. So
that I can keep them on hand for anytime he might need
them… the little and big things... well I am going to read
more, and write.

2:56am... and I just learnt something that-.. I find
amazing. Did you know there is such a thing as a collaring
ceremony? I was just reading it, and it made me smile. It
sounds so amazing, and almost like a wedding... a big move
really. There is so much for me to learn, to become a
better person not only for sir, but for myself too. Well
that is all for tonight...

-Angie

4:38am Friday, June 30, 2006.


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