My life
2006-06-26 04:48:23 (UTC)


Okay..where should i start? WELL..March life
changed in a huge way. I consider myself a smart girl, i
dont sleep with anyone..i barely even kiss anyone. But i
am a romantic..i sooo want that can't eat can't sleep kind
of deal with someone..NOW! well one of my best friends is
Kassie Young..her boyfriend David's cousin shawn came to
town and i was head over heals in LUST with him.. He had
this way of sweet talking me..even though i knew i was
going to hate myself when he left town. So we slept
togehter...i was a virgin..technically..i'd never really
been with anyone like that before, so of course it hit me i've been with 2 people. But someone walked in
with both of them..and we had clothes on, it didnt last
more than a minute, it didnt go in..But with him, i've
never been naked with someone. Laying there, having them
inside so much that i thought i was going to die. But i
didnt' care. I loved it, i couldn't lay next to him to
even watch a movie without being all over him. I didn't
want to go to sleep, i wanted to stay up all night. Just
being with him..Well he leaves, swears he is going to come
back..and i havent heard from him since. March 29, 2006..I
was devastated. I mean i've been hurt before, but not like
that. I felt cheap, an idiot, which iw as..he is
also married with kids..ahaha big mistake yes i know..then
i'm going about life when my mom gets deadly sick. She got
an infection on her leg and her kidneys were shutting
down. She had two hours to live..she was in ICU on a
ventalator for a week. Then she was in the hospital for a
month..then the acusations start. My neice and cousin
start coming out w/ stepdad touch them kind of
deal. Which i dont believe..this man works 70 hr weeks to
support me and momma..she is bipolar and can't work. Buys
those kids anything. It jsut dosent make since..With my
neice it supposly happend last year when they lived with
us, but i was a social bitch last year..i always had at
least 5 girls with me at all times, including there
boyfriends and there friends..we smoked pot, like no
other, my sister sold, so ppl were ALWAYS there..including
my sister, she didnt work. So what dose that say about
her mother skills. I know i would notice if my daughter
was on a mans lap on the computer and something was going
on. Also amaya says that he would make her take baths an
dhe'd watch true, i would have noticed. This
man raised me..he never did anything to now here i
am..hundreds of miles away from home, from my friends,
from my place in this world..writing down my feelings bc i
am about to explode. I feel like i'm in jail. Waiting this
trial that is never going to come. I live w/ my mom,
brother n sister n law. THey are great don't get me wrong.
But my brain is contantly consumed with all this family
stuff. I just want it to go away so we can go back home.
Be a family again. I'm 19..i dont hae a license..dont have
a car..Dont have sucks. I lay in bed everynight
and dream about the same thing..going home, going to
kassies and seeing why? I guess it gives me
hope for the two things i want more..home and love.