Amnesia

Much to talk about...

The highlights:

-I love Chris dearly
*Wish we were living together
*I'm on the pill, and that scares me a bit
-Got today and tomorrow off
*Need more time alone with myself
*I've got some library books to read
*I have saturday off of work... need to do fun
-Chris got a myspace pic...how cool
-Need some spiritual thinking?
*Been thinking of my goal spiritually/ as a director/
bartender/ and a bit with the relationship thing
-Can't wait to move out

So I had an appointment with Planned Parenthood and was 15
minutes late. They prescribed ortho tricyclin. So I'm like
cool. Bought enough for two months. Now it's just kinda
like... Okay cool, the timing of my period was rather
convenient. I was able to take it the next day.

I should have asked more questions, but it seems as
though, I couldn't think of any as usual, right there on
the spot. Oh well, we'll see what's up. Thank goodness for
Sabina and the girls. They can fill in a lot of blanks. I
wanna go hang with them some time.

Seems like all my time goes off to either Chris or work
though. If it doesn't I'm just sleeping or taking care of
business. ocassionally I get to just chill. This whole
pill thing though is a bit freightening. I cannot let my
mom find it for sh*t. Cause I don't want to talk to her
about it. I figure I'll move out soon so it's gonna be all
good. I decided to take it at 5:15 every morning. Why so
freaking early in the morning you might ask. Well...

That's when I went to sleep that one morning. I wasn't
gonna wake up at 8:30 which was the time I had originally
intended. Besides, I keep them right next to my bed with
some water. My phone wakes me up, I take em and I'm right
back to being asleep. Most importantly work is not gonna
get in the way of that routine, even though it may get a
bit annoying.

Today is day two that I've taken it. Apperently my breasts
are suppose to get a lot more tender, and Chris and I are
joking about this. Cause right now, they're pretty
freaking tender. If they get any more tender, they'll turn
into a liquid. Besides that I might get a little darker
skin complexion for a bit, and get spotting during, or in
between my period. So okay. That's just suppose to be for
up to 3 months while my body gets used to the stuff. So
far, I've seen no changes, it is rather early though.

The thought is still with me though. Just getting
ourselves checked out, getting the right place right time
thing going on, and voila. Not a virgin anymore. It seems
as though the hard stuff is practically over.

I wanna move out real soon. I need to start thinking about
how I could accomplish this. Another thing I wanted to do
during my free time is reinstill the knowledge I have for
work. Not just the Odyssey, but learning a lot of drinks
in general and keeping a fresh mind to make sure I can do
them well and effectively. I figure if I'm a good person
to work with I could perhaps get some referral through one
of the other bartenders. Like Abel maybe. He's a cool guy.
His other job is at millenium park. Apperently you can
make sick tips there. I try to cover for him as frequently
as I can, when he wants to work there instead. Towards the
end of the season I would ask around (which I hate doing
because of my pride) and see if any of the other places
these guys work would be hiring. I'd love to work where
Abel does. It's a hell of a lot of work too cause you
gotta serve as well, but the pay is better, and you get
barbacks. He's able to afford a house with what he makes,
so that tells you something.

If I were working there I could live on my own... or with
Chris. I seriuosly think that if things continue going the
way they are, we might move in together. We always wanna
fall asleep in each others arms. It just seems right.
Nothing else, just sleep in a bed together.

It seems like such an easy concept, but it's rather
complicated. He said I can spend the night at his place if
I come at a certain time, and we stay in his room till
like 6 a.m. It' more like his parents just won't notice
that I'm there. He can spend the night at my place and
sleep on the couch. I offer him the option of sleeping in
my bed since the couch is taken. I figure my parents will
understand. I only offer that if he's really tired. I do
that not because I know he'll do it, but because I wish it
were that easy, we could. But there's parental backlash to
all that stuff. Possible, but not rational.

Soon though. He's having the idea of living on his own
more and more. And his parents he sais, want to kick him
out. They want to start charging him rent. I can see where
this is going.

I will pay off my best buy card soon... actually, I do
have plenty of funds, I'm almost good for it. I think I
should just make a huge payment now, and leave myself
pretty broke to refrain from spending much. I gotta get
this done. That and my charge backs, plus my school. That
still accumulates to 2 months of work on the Odyssey.
Hopefully the tips are gonna start boostin tremendously,
or the overtime. That would be killer sweet...

... Wish I could just buy a lotto ticket for enough cash
to pay that stuff off, so that everything I earn from now
on, would go to my moving out efforts. Technically, it
might not. I'd like to fix my teeth before I move out.
That will be another 2 grand I'd assume. I should research
some kind of independent dental insurance.

There's so many bills. If my mom wouldn't of taken over
400 from me for rent and groceries, I would have over a
grand. Instead I have about 600 buckaroos. 200 of which
are going to my phone bill. 30 for my IRA, and nearly 50
for the life insurance. Voila... 300 less... I guess I
could put in like 270 for my Best Buy card to lessen that
to an even 500. With my next check I should be able to
eliminate the rest. But that won't be for another two
weeks.

I've been meaning to do this. To write in my diary and
figure things out. I've been spending alot. Not that I've
been throwing my money around everywhere, just things that
help me for work, and some things for play. Buying dinner
or hookah for Chris and me when we go out sometimes. I
deserve the good times, but I should loosen up on them a
bit. Not to get so many shots, and not to drink any more
alcohol when I go out. 1 drink tops. Not like I finish it
anyway. I've tried most of the things I wanted to try
already.
That's what I'll do.

What else... less eating out...more buying pizza. Or
sandwiches with cheese and tomato. My favorites at current
moment. When I go out with Chris, let's not go to the
expensive hookah place, let's go to the cheap one. Instead
of going to the movies, we can rent something. Watch it at
his house. Tomorrow they have dolla rentals at Lion. I
should capitalize on that early in the morning. Screw the
waitress service, or cut down on it. We can go to TBK, or
China Chef, Bacci's or something like that. This reminds
me...

I was gonna start a binder that has all the deals outlined
in it on bowling, pool, food, bar specials, the hours,
times et.c.. so we know where we can go, and find stuff
cheap. Using his dad's shoes when we go bowling is a big
help on bowling anyway. This little stuff adds up.

Okay, this will surely curve my spending, I just put in
another 280 to my best buy card. By the time I finish
paying bills I will be nearly broke. It's not that bad a
feeling when you know you will have more money soon, and
that this is a way to keep discipline with the rest of
your spending.

What else is on the writing agenda... Oh yeah, Chris got a
myspace pic. That's real cool... Next

I've been thinking about my lack of spirituality recently.
Lack of meditation and all that stuff. I don't want to do
much about it... as strange as it sounds... until I pay my
bills. I'm not sure why.. I don't have to I just want to
have that kitten off my back before I precede.

I feel good now. Strangely enough. Since I made that
payment. I'm almost broke, but I'm closer to paying it
completely off. I think my next check will be bigger, or
rather the one after that one. Cause this week I'm getting
all dinner cruises. All but two, and 6 shifts as oppose to
5.

Oh yeah, rented some library books. Anne Rice again, along
with two new fiction books. Well, one a murder mystery, I
might not get to, and the other a new fantasy. Today is my
day to do that... I'm not calling Chris, need some time to
myself, get my thoughts together, and all that jazz. Okay
I might cave by the end of the night and call him... Then
again, he didn't sleep much last night, and probably
passed out automatically after work, I should let him
sleep.

Let's finish this off with... I like coffee. A LOT!!!

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