CrimsonTears

Hollow Years
2006-06-11 17:57:21 (UTC)

Last night i dreamt you were with me finally i could breathe

Okay so went to 2 partys. was good first one was wierd i
don't wanna talk about. one because i can't remember most
of it. two i don't know if some of it makes me the person
i don't want to be.
I feel okay lately.
Been watching alot of Dawsons creek so yeah =] it's good.
Simon's back with Heather. I don't think i'm part of his
life at all anymore..Not even someone he can talk to every
so often. i asked if i could go visit him the other day
but when it came to it he said he was scared of what might
happen and therefore it's better if we don't see each
other. That's the last thing he's said to me. I'm not
Going to try and be his friend i'm not even going to try
and talk to him. It seems he's made a decision that it's
easier for him to not have me in his life anymore. and it
seems he is happy. and even though he might not believe
it. that is all i have ever wanted. for him to be happy.
whether i am part of it or not. Maybe one day he will
realise that. and that there was no need to lie to me. I
would never think bad of him no matter what. i can't say i
will always love him i can't predict how my feelings will
be in the future. and right now i think they have already
changed. But either way he will always be someone who was
important to me. he changed me for the better. even if
sometimes i can't see that. He made me feel special and
loved and for that i thank him. and i am glad he is happy.

Kyle has got a g/f now. i spoke to him today about i feel
like things have changed between us. but deep down i know
he cares. and i care so much about him he will never know
how much he means to me. He has helped me through so many
things and i really don't know what i would do without him
anymore. I can't wait till i go see him in like a month :).

It's Emmas birthday today =]. I'm so lucky to have her as
my best friend.
And Carl i didn't realised how much i missed him until
yesterday and i am just so happy to have such amazing
friends who i can trust.
Maybe in time i won't feel so alone. maybe i'll find
someone of my own. untill then i'll try and not let things
get me down too much. I have the people i need to keep me
smiling and im so thankful. I just sometimes doubt me and
i don't feel good enough for anyone. i don't know if i am
because i don't have anyone like a boyfriend but hopefully
that will change at some point.

Emmas party made me realise how mcuh things change and
people change. but i believe in fate. everything happens
for a reason. So i'm not going to let it bother me.

Song: pollen and salt - daphne loves derby
Mood: Okay
Love: My best friends =]




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