blkdragon

grounded
2006-06-08 02:29:17 (UTC)

A thousand years from now

6/6/06--5:39 PM Hmmm, didn’t realize the date until later
this afternoon, didn’t see hide nor hair of the “Beast”, I
did see Lisa though. She seemed to make it her business to
be close to where she thought I’d be, in my line of sight,
just beyond the time clock when I returned from lunch.
Matt did speak to Jack yesterday, he told him everything, I
didn’t think he’d volunteer the information; I was wrong.
Charles called, I was about to shower and head for the
rink, he obviously didn’t know what today was; nor did he
remember my routine. He said that he and Eva were on their
way over, I told him I wasn’t going to be here, that I’d be
available after 9; after 9 wasn’t good for them. I wasn’t
about to change my schedule for someone that doesn’t care
enough about me to remember it, I told him some other time
then.
I made it to the rink by 7, Patty was already there and I
expected Kim to show, she did. I said hello to each of
them, I wasn’t in the mood to have conversations and I
can’t see that I will in the future, I know they both want
some of my time and I don’t want to give it to them.
I got email from Charlotte, between her and Beverly, Patty
and Kim are beginning to fade into obscurity. Patty’s
continuing to skate in my face, I’m focusing only on what
I’m doing, she wants to be seen; I see her, end of story.
Kim isn’t as obvious in getting my attention, both of them
want what they’re not willing to give, I’m not having it.
Kim hangs on the sideline, when she’s not skating and
stares at me, neither of them approach me; I haven’t shown
that they can. Patty sits on one of the benches and hopes
I’ll stop what I’m doing to talk to her, that’s not going
to happen, I don’t care what’s happening in her life and I
won’t share mine with her. She left the rink without a
word, I informed her that she changed the dynamics of our
relationship; she’s seeing just how much it’s changed.
As a result of Lisa’s machinations, I’m having difficulty
trusting some women, that didn’t happen after 21 years with
Kathy. Kathy didn’t try to destroy me, she just tried to
hurt me and I wouldn’t allow what she did to matter. This
shit with Lisa is much more serious.
If either Patty or Kim decided to approach me and ask what
was happening between us, I’d be honest with them. They
need to be friends with their significant others, I won’t
be an option for them.
Sheridan arrived early, he seems to be starving for my
attention also, it’s bothering me; I don’t go to the rink
to have discussions with him either. If anyone wants to
talk to me they can wait until I’m finished. He likes to
skate close to me, almost touching, he’s running the risk
of causing me to have an accident and that would be the
worst thing he could ever do. Before the night ended, he
realized that I won’t ever be in the mood to play with him
at the rink. He stopped me to tell me that Anne wanted him
to ask me something, it was an invitation to a Health Dept.
cook-out on the 16th @ noon and I told him I wouldn’t be
available. Had that day been a holiday, I still wouldn’t
have wanted to go.
I’m putting distance between myself and these
wannabe “friends”; they all have agenda’s that serve their
purposes only.
6/7--7:37 PM I’d said that I failed to see the “Beast”
yesterday, I was wrong, I failed to recognize the “Beasts”
that I saw. I got up this morning and did abdominal work, I
was able to do 50 straight leg crunches without pause and I
did 10 leg raises.
I made it to work before 7:45, Patty was standing outside
as I went to punch in, I said good morning and she didn’t
respond. I thought she might not have heard me, I repeated
my greeting and she just looked at me, I won’t speak to her
again; even if its work related. Lisa came close to me
today, looking into my face for a trace of how I’m feeling,
I turned away and concentrated on the music I was listening
to and the job at hand. It seems Lisa’s gotten some of my
co-workers to believe her accusations, these people must
want to think the worst of me and that places them in the
category of people that have no space in my world. Misery
loves company; both Lisa and Patty have proven to be quite
miserable.
I had no appointments today; my hand began to bother me
before the end of the day, I got over it. While talking to
Dana about Lisa yesterday, she got very angry, it’s a good
thing that some of the women I know have no access to Lisa;
it wouldn’t be good for her.
I thought about changing my skating schedule, going to the
rink on different nights, to get away from the unwanted
attentions of the selfish. I spoke to Pretty last night, I
wasn’t too happy, I was feeling much better by the time we
finished talking; we might speak to one another again by
Friday.
I continued editing “5 minutes of Eternity” while working
today, thinking of “B” while I edited and realizing that I
miss her. I also thought of Charlotte today, I wanted to
contact her and try to ease her heart.
I was feeling oppressed and lonely today, I was surprised
when my phone rang, it was Pretty and I wasn’t expecting to
talk to her until at least Friday. She was feeling sad and
lonely as well, she relayed a dream to me and I attempted
to help her understand it, we’d wanted to be closer to each
other; especially now. We were both feeling a bit better,
forgetting one’s own problems and trying to bring solace to
another is generally an uplifting experience, I’m still
feeling a void.
She suggested that I take a bath, I’d already considered
doing just that, I need to get something to eat as well and
she had a meeting to attend. We sent our love to one
another and said good night. I’ve been getting love from so
many and I’m feeling truly touched.





Ad: