nin137

Nick's Journal
2006-05-30 23:16:59 (UTC)

Cocksuckers

i've been watching deadwood a lot lately (it's this HBO
series about the wild west) and they use the word
'cocksucker' a lot in it. so it got me thinking about the
cocksuckers i know. and lo and behold today added some to
my list already!
so i went to the court house to get our marriage license and
right then and there i found the first cocksucker. the
fucking state attorney. he was fucking muggin in front of
every camera around and whoring himself out to all reporters
in his bid for re-election. a dozen stupid ass cocksucking
young republican red tie wearing bastards were leaping
around like fucking gazelles passing out fliers and
badgering people into voting.
fucking cocksucking volunteers. god damn it.
so because of this i had to take my ass all the way to this
stripmall place with three stores in it. a fucking dry
cleaner a grocery store and a hallmark store. i'm not
fucking kidding. a hallmark store. who the fuck needs a
hallmark store? don't they sell their shit in the grocery
store? are you fucking serious?
anyway, it was about a mile to the courthouse (no joke) and
i decided to park there as there weren't any cars there. so
i park and all and i get out of the car when i run into the
biggest cocksucker of all.
this lanky indian dude comes up to me and says,
"you can't park here, this is for customers, if you want to
park to get to the courthouse i suggest you take a right at
the next light and go to federal valet, it's 10 dollars for
the first hour and 2 dollars after that."
what a cocksucker. i looked at his shirt and sure enough it
said FEDERAL VALET, INC!!! ok, now i respect that this is a
good business decision but that's just low. so i said,
"well i'm just going to be there for no more than 30 mins, i
think i'll be alright."
and then he did the biggest cock-sucker move.
"welllllll", and at this he clasped his hands together and
got a big shit eating grin on his face, "they are known to
tow here quite quickly."
and the look in his eyes as they twinkled belied the
subtetly with which he thought he was coming across. that
cocksucker would call the god damned towing company and have
me towed if i didn't move my car.
i was so fucking pissed you have no idea. so i got into the
god damned car and drove around for another 20 mins unitl a
parallel spot opened up near the courthouse (i couldn't go
to that parking service for principle issues).
then the last cocksucker of the day. i went out to eat with
one of my co-workers and his out of town friend. this
friend was ridiculous. everything i said i had ever done he
assured me he had done it better.
the dumbest thing he said was this,
"yeah, you know, my tolerance is so high, the other night,
you know, i just put back a case of 24 beers and i didn't
even feel tipsy."
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? i don't give a good god damn if
you're john daly and you drank 24 beers over the course of
12 hours. YOU WILL FELL AT LEAST TIPSY! give me a god
damned break.
he really reminds me of this other guy i once knew who was
just as much of a cocksucker and i remember me and dave
always making fun of him. he made the most ridiculous
claims in this dumb ass english accent, so we just made them
ludicrous.
"in london, we party so hard that for friday night we start
drinking on thursday!"
and
"one time i drank a whole handle of vodka, shot up with
heroin, built a house and then graduated from yale all
within 3 hours!"
or
"when i get wasted i don't mess around like these limeys
around here. no, when i get wasted i make sure it takes, i
usually inject the alcohol straight into my veins for the
first 6 hours of the night and then i wrestle a grizzly bear
and rape him in the arse. that's how i get my high!"
fucking cocksuckers.




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