I think I am felling a bit "over". Overcaffeinated,.. over
being alone because the only people who call are from out
of state or bill collecters. Over having to be the
responsable one in a marriage, Over being the one to over
analyze every thing because that is the way I am wired.
I feel like my neurons are on rapid fire. Like I have to
wear myself down to get any rest. I think I got a peak at
the way other people, connected people live and relate and
it made me wish I had that. And I wonder why it can't be
me. I am glad I didn't storm chase with Brian and group.
Even though the ding dong took the laundry room key so I
could not do any laundry. I did some gardening and cooking
and relaxing. But I would like to have shared it with
someone besides the birds and the cats. Brian will take
one look and comment how nice it looks. But the only
reason he will comment is he will want to say something to
be nice. It just feels so empty. I go to work come home do
a little housework watch TV and then go to bed. Weekends
are okay but we are either here doing little things or
going to other states because as I mentioned no one ever
visits and since we have no friends here....this sucks....
There is an empty kind of feeling you get after you hang
up the phone and have nothing to do. I could go to a mall
but just aimlessly walking around watching people interact
with their friends will be just boring. I have gone beyond
hurting. Now I am just numb.
I am so tired of the stupid maps that pop up re storm
warnings in OKLAHOMA...Brian programmed them and I just
want to yell and scream. Like i really care about that.
Like I really want to know. I am sure he gets the shivers
by the mere showing of a radar map, but I just want to