Kalamity K

The Daily Chaos of Kalamity K
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2006-05-15 02:26:53 (UTC)

Happy 29th, K2, Or Something Like It

It seems so odd to me that today is my birthday.

It also seems so odd to me that I am 29.

I feel infinitely younger and infinitely older. It's
weird.

I'm not depressed over it...not at all. For once in my
life. A bit depressed over the lack of event that it was
but...no, disappointed is a better word, but I don't want
to write about that now or I'll get angry and I don't feel
like being angry.

I'm drained, though. Fucking drained. Been a fucking
draining weekend. See last paragraph. [-sighs-]

It's also Mother's Day today. Went a lot better than I
anticipated. Something to be happy for, right? Right. [-
smiles just a bit-]

I am completely sapped. Just so exhausting, this whole
weekend, emotionally. I think I'm going to celebrate my
birthday in a few days, somehow, on my own, when I can do
it on my own terms and be content about it. [-smiles
again, a bit, though there is a sigh as well-]

I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions this year - or if
I did, they were so weak I have forgotten about their
existence entirely - but I am going to make a birthday
resolution.

I am going to get it together, this year. By next 14 May,
you'll recognise me, but recognise that I'm so much
better, too. I can't say you won't recognise me - that
would be trite and silly. But I will do it this year.
And I'm going to use this damn diary to help me, instead
of to let it help me wallow in self-pity and silliness.

I say that now. We'll see. I'm sadder and more
disappointed than I'm willing to share right now. But I'm
also bizarrely optimistic (for someone who is a pessimist,
it is straaaaange to feel so unwittingly optimistic!
LOL). So we'll see.

Happy birthday to yourself, K2. You are going to make
this year count for something tremendous, whether you like
it or not. [-smiles a bit again-] I know you can do it.
Now...take a deep breath and go out and get it, Tiger!

[-grins and shakes her head-]

Man, I'm nuts...LOL...

K2


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