Life - so complicated
2006-05-13 23:38:35 (UTC)

All stressed out and no one to choke

This week has been ok, I guess. I got taken off the
contract at college so now I'm free and don't have to see
the principle anymore. However my first appointment with
the counsellor is next Friday - I don't see the point now
we've only got 2 more weeks left but maybe if I got
everything out I'll feel so much better. But maybe she'll
put everything into pespective for me and make me let go
of Charley once and for all and move on from Adam.

So I've made a decision. I think I should not speak to him
for a couple of days - maybe even a week. It'll be so hard
for me but to be honest I don't have to tell him my
problems - I can just type them on here. He's the main
problem so it's not like I tell him most things anyway.

Louise was right of course - it is tearing me up inside
knowing he's fucking me and then going back to his gf. Lee
and Chris are also right - I will get hurt in the end. I
don't think, in all my life, I've stooped lower than
this... I'm letting my ex fuck me, without talking about
it and then he goes back to his gf...and why do I let
myself stoop this low? Because there is no one else.

I know what you think... there are people - but really -
there are none. Since losing all my mates to manipulative
Charley I have Adam, Lee, Chris and Roz n Debs now n then.
I need to prove to myself that I'm not relying on him like
I relied on Charley. I need to prove to myself that I can
do everything on my own. It's just so hard, I can't do
anything alone!! I fucking cry all the time again... I'm
like last year's Donna, only more alone, more heartbroken
and completely lost. It's horrible.

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