kris and i stayed late tonight. kris is our new attorney at
the firm, i guess for you to really appreciate what is about
to unfold i should describe her to you.
kris is the archetypical 'southern girl'. fairly
attractive, very slender, tanned, and completely sheltered.
very naive in certain respects and a really "howdy, how ya
doing? well that's might fine!" attitude going with her.
overall just a wonderful girl (although i have to admit she
won me over when she bought me some popeye's chicken).
anyhow, she's a sweet girl who is really trying hard to make
an impression. the two of us are almost always the last two
people leaving the office so the ritual goes as such.
i leave at around 6:10 to catch my train and lock the front
door and then lock the bottom door for her (as she is the
only one left and doesn't feel safe with unlocked doors).
this evening it went as usual.
"alright i'm out kris, need anything else?"
"no thanks, i'm fine, will you lock the doors for me?"
she always asks me this although i've done it every damn
time i've ever left.
"sure, tomorrow....we're going to rob popeye's sound good?"
"sure! i'm down, see ya tomorrow!"
always so damn perky.
so i went down and locked the front door. then walked down
to our basement, just as i was pouring out my coffe mug i heard:
"NICK!!!!!!!! NICK!!!!!!!! WAIT!!!!!!!! NICK!!!!!!!!"
i had no idea what was going on. i thought...rat? mouse?
bird? what the fuck, did i forget a document? no the
screaming is way too frantic.
"NICK!!! THERE'S SOMEONE IN HERE!!! NICK!!!!"
the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. i bolted up
the stairs to the first floor and ran smack into her just as
i rounded the corner.
"THERE'S A MAN UP THERE!!!!"
all of my hairs were on end by now. now i must say this:
the next thoughts went through my head within about .3 seconds.
as she went around me and clutch my bicep i heard footsteps
pounding down the steps. heavy fucking footsteps. each one
felt like t-rex's footstep to me. within the few split
seconds i had, i tried to remember everything i had ever
learned in karate but realized most of it failed me. i felt
my heart slam in my throat and then i put my right hand just
below my chin to block my vein in my throat and the other in
a fighting stance.
i was ready to go down-town charlie brown on this guy.
around the corner lumbered our cleaning guy.
now before you breathe the sigh of relief that i did let me
our cleaning guy is creepy as fuck. he's this huge black
guy who DOES NOT SPEAK. seriously he has only mumbled when
i've seen him. furthermore....i don't think he likes me.
he avoids me at all costs.
so seeing me in a fighting stance as he rounded the corner
wasn't exactly his ticket to pleasureville.
this dude is a creeper (sorta like seinfeld) he just sneaks
up on you.
as Kris (way too apologetically explained to me; the poor
girl turned so bright red when it all was explained that i
seriously thought she would just lose it all) explained to
me the dude apparently creeped towards her and was all of a
suddend standing next to her without a word.
you're a girl all alone in an office in a big city and all
of a sudden a huge dude is chillin' next to you that you
can you really blame her?
i sure didn't.
---- BodyGuard son! i'm way too proud of the feeble run up
the stairs and fighting stance i took. but so be it.