just a little bit ago i wrote a little bit about how failure
isn't really that bad and happens to everybody. most
notably karla martin (the u.s. d.a. who fucked up in the
moussaui case). but yesterday i was treated to an entirely
new realm of failure. in fact it was so new that i have now
partitioned failure into a subcategory, popularly known as
now before i go on here is the difference between failure
and fucking up.
failure: you fuck up and you feel badly (although this isn't
necessarily always true). the true mark of failing is when
you really try. this is why (i think) a lot of people in my
business classes would pompously boast that they "didn't
study" when they got an F. it really makes sense in a way.
i mean they didn't necessarily fail because they put in no
effort. instead they fucked up and they are fuck ups. which
leads me to fucking up
fucking up: you fuck up when you're just a dipshit. you're
a dipshit when you don't care and don't put in any effort.
you do haphazard jobs with the premonition of, "well i'm
gonna fail so i might as well not try". it's not so much
the failure itself that stands out. you see when you fail,
you still show that you yourself are a good person who
atleast tries their hardest, when you fuck up, you bring
that failure strictly on yourself (which in a sense is kind
of ironic if you think about it). you are a fuck up.
which brings me to my encounter.
here's the background. i work at a real estate law firm as
a paralegal and our largest client was having a showing in a
state with extremely strict brokerage licensing laws which
essentially dictate that for a broker to represent a company
they must continue their examinations. well the
"connecticut" broker of the company apparently felt it
wasn't her duty to renew her license. now it's a bit
complicated (and i still don't quite understand) why she
didn't continuously renew her license. the few excuses i
1.) didn't know you had to
2.) too expensive
3.) arrogance, she thought that she would take the test
when it came to crunch time and easily pass it.
well crunch time came.
approximately three weeks ago our client told her that they
were having a huge showing and that she needed to represent
them (now she had NOT told them she had not been renewing
her license by the way). so she took it a week before the
showing and failed so miserably it wasnt even right. on
thursday we got a call from our frantic client asking us
what the fuck they were going to do. we tried desperately
to change the broker to someone else but the regulator
wouldn't allow us. there was only one chance left.
she had to take the test again.
now let me put this in perspective for you.
she now had an exam to take which she had already failed
miserably. her job was now on the line, a huge (and very
influential development company) was breathing down her
neck, furious with her not just because of her failure but
with her lying to them.
the regulator was furious but my boss got her to offer a
conditional one-day license to this lady if she just passed
she had to pass this test. even if she did she would
probably get fired, but at the very least she could save her
well on friday i got a call from her.
"hi, hi, um, i was told i should speak with you about the
regulatory statutes governing the rescission periods
applicable to a florida condominium offering."
now first off. that is the weirdest line i have ever had
someone say to me right off the bat.
second of all, this woman was frantic. she seriously
sounded like she wsa taking meth as we were talking.
so i spoke to her for a bit, after about 20 mins, i got a
sick feeling in my stomach...she was going to fail again.
"no, no, look, the statutory exemption applies to
condominium units which are transferred via fee simple title
along an indemnity deed of trust."
"oh my god, jesus, oh."
she had basically been uttering those things for the entire
and you know, i really wanted to feel badly for her. i
really did. but she put herself in this position. i mean
how can you do what she did? it was inexplicable to me.
well at 12:30 she took the test.
on the line was:
about 80 purchasers lining up saturday morning to sign
contracts, a pissed off regulator, and a pissed off company.
she fucked up.
i dont' know what is happening today. but most disturbingly
i don't know how to feel towards the broker. i mean i feel
like i should have pity on her. but i can't, i mean she put
herself in this position.