kebab0816

Life - so complicated
2006-05-03 20:44:09 (UTC)

I'm so over being blue - crying over you...

Yeh that title is a load of bollocks.

You know I think I enjoy whallowing in self pity.
Apparently it does you good - fat lot of good its done me
this past year.

Mum's been feeding me wine tonight so I'm even more
depressed that ever. I told Adam on Monday night that I
was still in love with him but... I'm not sure that's
entirely true... I really don't know how I feel it's all
very confusing. Of course I love him. Like I love Lee or
Amy but I think deep down I know I never really loved him.
I thought that when I was still going out with him. I was
just in love with the idea of being with someone who could
love me back. And to think I got scared of the word 'love'
before Charley introduced me to it.

I remember the day I said it to her for the first time.
She was so happy and it felt amazing to make someone so
happy. OMG I really really need to get over my whole past!
It's just so difficult tho, my past has made me who I am
today.

I think I did a silly thing before. I text one of my
old lesbian friends who Charley still hangs around with -
though that was 2 hours ago n she still ain't replied.
What is it with people and not replying to me?! Wait... I
when I think about it I know exactly why people don't want
to speak to me... life is wonderful don't you think?


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