alone and adored
I can't believe what happened last night, IM still like..
in shock that everyone ditched me. I am never speaking to
Alex again and I seriusly dont know what to do about
shannon... i am so pissed at her but at the same time.. my
mom would be like "oh well its not entirely her fault she
was tired and she said shed amke up for it." wtf... my mom
probably wont even have my back and shell chat with
shannon like it never even happened. God i dont know what
to think... it was shitty but... deep down I think she was
really sorry she bailed. but seriously.. I would never do
that to her on her fucking birthday. As of last night I
realized I have no friends. Krista is so distant she
doesn;t even really count. but honestly.... I have no one.
shannon never calls me on weekends, everyone I went to
highschool with never called me on the weekends... why do
I always have to initiate the plans... Im so sick of it...
my birthday was the straw that broke the camels back...
Alex is out... along with Ben and Cailen and someother
people I dropped long ago I cant even remeber who they
are. I knew last night would happen like that... somehow I
knew I was never going to make it downtown. Now Im worried
about falling into a bad crowd. WHat are my paretns going
tot hink when I suddenly come home with all these new
friends Ill probably never make? God.. what the fuck
happened... I wish, honestly, I never had to see shannon
again.. im not even embarassed.. im mad as hell... and
knowning her big fucking mouth shell blab to everyone and
be all "omg I felt so bad for her..." etc etc...except Ill
have to drive home with her like everyday when school
starts... uuugghhhh.... its too much energy to be a bitch.
fuck it... I dont like shannon anymore.. that was sucha
shitty move.. She out.. everyones out now. like I have no
one. Im gonna have serious adandonment issues when im
older... i have seriuos adandonment issues now... I reject
people before they can reject me.. and this is exactally
why. last night is a perfect example... hey shannon..
remeber how you said I wasnt exactally social? well I
wonder why you fucking bitch. god I cant believe she did
that to me. and Krista with a fucking halo saved my faith
in humanity last night. I should have booked it to the
bus. and left shannon to find her own way home. thats
exactally what I should have done... cept I think because
I ad it in my mind the entire movie that I wasnt gonna end
up downtown... I didnt end up going downtown. so... what
now... Quebec really soon. I ghuess thatll get me away
from everything. but how do I make friends there when Im
so damaged here... I have no friends... everyone is out..
I cant belive that it all fucking fell apart last night.
Fuck i hope I dont remember this. I honestly... am in
total limbo here... what Do i think? what do I do??? whos
sorry and whos not. who cared and who didnt? whos true and
whos not? whos real and whos not? I have no idea. I
stillll dont know where I stand with everyone... wtf... I
guess thats why im so... distraught. I still dont know
anything except that a lot of people wronged me last
night. and i have a really hard time forgetting that kind
of shit.. and as long as I remember.. its like a big black
cloud over me. The LEAST shannon could have done is call
me this morning... why are people so fucking rude..
I dont hate my life... but I hate how other people have
affected how I relate to other people... they changed that
about me... a little, taught me to reject people before
they can reject me shit.
Thanks everyone. Thanks... You're all dead to me.
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