alone and adored
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2006-04-24 19:47:28 (UTC)

Somebody somewhere is being an ass.

Well well well... come to the end of another acedemic
year..what a shit load of trouble. Off to Quebec in two
weeks to parlez-vous francais, but not before my birthday
which is also turning out to be a dung pile. not that I
had many friends to begin with but this is the reason I
dont have birthday parties becasue people are fuck tards
and cant be bothered to find drives etc etc etc etc. I
liked it better in the sixteenth century where they would
hang you for that kind of disrespect. what is the world
coming to? everyone is so fucking assholic. Like, get off
your high fucking horse and be polite to people around
you. I didn't tell you a month before and watch you nearly
piss your pants with excitement to have you blow me off 2
days before this shit gets underway. yes, im afraid of
exposing the truth that is... i dont have a lot of
friends. THAT part is very easy to see... what is
difficult to explain casually is that I like it better
that way. My life is only stressful when I have to plan
social events, namely becaue of the aforementioned. I want
a man who is my equal (must earn more $$) quiet,
respectful, respected, loyal, non-flakey, pretty, maybe
even vain, yah.. that sounds like me. now, where was I. oh
yah... i hate people. Now i just have to worry about how
im gonna get to that place in the workforce where I wear
killer heels and pencil skirts... hmm.. somehow I don't
see a Bio major wearing jimmy choo... bummer... guess I'll
jsut have to marry rich. My fucking house is a mess cuz my
assfucking fat-ass little brother wont clean up his own
messed.. what the motherfuckinghell is with the
attitude,.. I literally want to beat him about the face.
WITH YOU?!?! Jesus Christ. even if my parents were here,
they wouldnt do anything about it. I learned on Oprah
today that because my Dad was so adamant about his
children not being failures and fuckups and bums on the
street, I now, at 19, feel like I have to wear killer
heels and pencil skirts to work and make tons of money and
be fabulous. Makes perfect sense. but like I said.. maybe
french speaking botanist isn't the way to go. but then
again 58% on the econ final doesn't make me a financial
buff either. so... fuck me. and while youre at it slap
everyone so hard they go forward in time and realize that
people like me are better in everyway becasue emotional
scars as an adolesent have taught me that I don't need
people in my life for whatever reason and I am far better
off becasue of it. so fine. dont come to my birthday don't
invite me over on the weekend. dont pick up the phone and
call me ever. you are dicks and you are not the kinds of
people I would ever choose to have in my life. God it
really really makes me wonder sometimes... what is wrong
with me? what am I to other people? I like myself so fuck
it all. I like myself just fine. its definitely not me..
its you. you who feel the need to be social whores and
fakes and dump your shit on other people and blow off your
friends gestures for what? that being said.. there's like
2 people in the whole world right now that are not like
that. and I may not chill with them often because we
drifted but I've felt used the minimum number of times
with those people. I guess what Im really trying to say
here is... why am I such a paraiah? What am I missing that
I have to organise my own fucking birthday... that in
itself makes me feel like shit and the shittier I feel
because of other people the more I go deeper and deeper
into a place where I don't want to know people and I
become very internally confrontational and private. It's
a stupid cycle and I need some good friends to get me out
but so far no luck... Im 19 and I havent met anyone Id
miss in a year.

fuck 'em all...

Uther, where are you boy?