lee_the_messed_up_punk

my #ucked up life
2006-04-24 06:54:51 (UTC)

scamed I am on my blue and white ejection seat

scamed I am on my blue and white ejection seat

11:37PM Sunday fucking night

For the last couple of days, I've been helping my
brother out, fixing things around his house for about half
of what minimum wage is, so that when his business partner
from Mexico gets into town, it looks as though he lives a
fantastic life, with his yappadie dog, pretty girlfriend
and many toys. My brother just finished winning the case
he had against him for filling bankrupsey a few years back
and came out whistle clean free of any fraud or bad bank
charges, which in the business world is like getting one
month for a robbery. How do I know that, I don't, I'm just
a stupid fucking messed up punk, remember.

I have nothing against this, you goto school, get a
loan, start a, 'cooperation', that then get's treated as a
human being even though it's only run by one, my brother.
It fails, you write it off, call it a day and start over,
hoping they don't find out about that cottage in the
country, the gambling, the money invested in stocks and
other ways he and all smart, businessmen make money. What
piss's me off is how these benine, self richous pricks, run
around in there thousand dollar suits, thinking the whole
world is blind to there dickless ways and that there
somehow better then hard working people who make there fuck
fest of a life possible. We all know it's a scam, a great
way to get a credit card that you can write off if all goes
wrong, an ejection seat.

Whatever, on with the show.

My brother phones me at 10:00am and asks me if I wanna
do some work. I, like a complete moron say, yes, thinking
I'd at least get smokes and maybe some money to pay Pablo
back from the now over 500, I still owe him. He's cool
about it but I always feel good even if I give him twenty
here and there, or it eats away inside of me because he is
one of my only true friends and apparently the one I should
stay close to, according to the police that arrested me
today. I'll get to that in a bit.

We go out for breakfast, on his credit card of course,
then back to his place where he has a list of things ready
for me to do. Yesterday, he got away with paying me 30
dollars when he said he was going to pay me 40 but I let it
slide, considering he was nice enough to not be too hard on
me and let me work on my own pace. I found it weird, not
like him but maybe it was true, maybe the gods are crazy
and he was a changed man, maybe his girlfriend Inga really
is a mentor to him, I could never see him and an Aquarius
getting along but there's always hope. She doesn't work
for him any longer and I can only wonder why.

I've always been a hard worker and actually enjoy
working hard, rather then not knowing what to do like every
day was when I worked at his office.

'What are you doing standing around?'

'Waiting for you to tell me what to do.'

'Why don't you ask?'

'I did three times, you where on the phone.'

That was then his cue to give me a dirty look and walk
away, coming back in a few minutes, asking me once again
why I was standing around. It was like he hired me as his
personal punching bag.

The list was a plus. He told me to take my time and
not work too hard but would check up on me often to make
sure I wasn't slacking off, like all people that look like
and smell like me do, must have something to do with my
cologne and red hair. He also told me to drink as much
beer as I wanted and if I was hungry to go ahead and cook.
I was there to work, not drink or eat, barley even stopping
for smoke breaks, I worked right through the day which was
apparently a mistake, not drinking any beer either then the
one he opened for me that I ended up pouring out when he
wasn't looking.

I took down the Christmas lights, fixed the gate and
the rest of my day was spent peeling away wallpaper,
vacuuming and other bullshit that in all, took ruffly nine
hours before I was supposed to stop working. He asked, I
have no idea why, if I wanted to stay for supper and I said
that I would rather not but he made me anyways. Rather
then eat because I really don't think that a whole family
of chickens need to die every day just to feed my ass, I
continued to work, thinking I'd go ahead and get a head
start on tomorrow's work.

Inga wouldn't let me play metal music because it
depressed her so all day I had to listen to Barry Manilo or
whatever else was coming out of there satellite radio, made
strictly to keep you flying fucking happy. After they
finished eating, I thought finally, I can get home, my back
was killing me and all I wanted to do was lye down in my
bed and scream. I at least thought I'd have a few extra
bucks to get something to stop my back from throbbing, so
that was pretty much all I was looking forward to. It was
kind of like getting run over by a car just so that I
didn't have to goto school.

After I worked my ass of way more then I was supposed
to, he made me pick up all the wallpaper, just in case I
didn't come back tomorrow. I din't even get mad, it's my
brother, he's always been anel, I can handle it. I didn't
mention how much my back was hurting even though he knows
all about it, picked up all the bullshit that could and
should have been left until tomorrow and he then made me
vacuum. Were in the middle, or I should say, I am in the
middle of re-doing the walls and he wants me to fucking
vacuum, whatever, I did it. It reminded me of when I got
robbed at gunpoint, working for shell and my boss made me
clean up the lot after taking two hours to get to the
store, even then, I did it.
He looks at his watch and says that he wants to watch
his favorite show on TV and that it would be over in an
hour, just enough time for me to put up some new nights he
had bought while out shopping with Inga. I looked at him
and said, just being completely honest, that I can't get up
on a ladder right now, my back needed rest. I guess the
whole accident thing that happened was just a way for me to
use the back excuse to get out of putting lights up, cause
he gave me a bad look and walked away. No, good work, no
thanks, he just cracked another beer and opened his wallet.

'Can I pay you tomorrow?'

That was exactly what he said yesterday and the day
before, like he's broke or something. I told him that I
needed to get paid today, only because there was no fucking
reason why he shouldn't pay me for my hard work. I
seriously felt like the butt end of a really bad joke and
had a feeling this was going to get ugly so I came to terms
with myself and thought fine, fuck this, I'll ask him for
barely anything, hoping I'd at least get that.

When I told him that I wanted 40 dollars, he looked at
me like I said 400. Somehow, he actually thought that all
the work I did was not even worth that, even after
admitting that I at minimum worked eight hours. That's
five dollars a fucking hour, you cant even get animals to
work for that little. I stood my ground for once and said,
no, your paying me forty dollars and I'm going home and not
coming back here if your going to treat me this way. He
then stormed out of the room and came back with a paper
that he wrote on explaining how, 'He', was going to pay me,
no matter what I said.

After he took the 12 dollars he spent on smokes that I
would have only spent 9 if he would have let me buy them
earlier like I asked, he wanted to send me home with 12
dollars and give me 15 when I returned tomorrow. At this
point, I was still calm and just said no, that doesn't make
any sense and tried to explain to him that you cant do that
to people, if you want them to return and work more, you
have to pay them properly.
I wrote out my figuring which was 40 dollars plus the
pack of smokes for the whole days work and that was final,
there was no, paying me tomorrow or taking change off
because I spent 2 dollars on tax yesterday. I was
underpaid then also and had to beg for beg for a measly 20
dollars which I didn't even complain or factor into the
money I wanted today. I felt like an alien, as Inga sat
silent like she was just waiting for me to leave so that
they could both agree I was asking for way too much, what
THE FUCK!!!

He finally agreed to give me 40 and said, 'fine', then
stormed off into the other room where he began writing more
on his little pad of paper, explaining why he shoudnt give
me more then 12. Finally, Inga stepped in and said, it's
not a big deal, just give him the 40 dollars, wow, I was
amazed, maybe she just didn't want me to smash his face in
for being a complete asswhole like more brothers would have
by this point.
He looked at her and said that he was going to give it
to me but wanted me to read his notes like it would make
any difference to me, he felt like he was getting ripped
off when he was being the thief. I had it, I looked at him
and said,

'I don't even understand you anymore', and went outside,
sitting on the steps waiting for, yes, him too cool off.
He kept telling me to cool off but that's what he always
does when he gets riled up, tells others around him to calm
down when he's the one shaking, yelling and sweating.

I sat on the steps feeling pretty confused at this
point and just wanted to got home. I came to terms that I
was just about to get ripped off worse then I have in years
and just wanted it all to be over. After waiting out there
for about fifteen minutes, he opens the door and says,

'Arnt you going to walk home?'

Fine, I fucking snapped, who wouldn't? I ran strait
for the door and fell, thank god, or I probably would have
ran right through the wall. He slammed the door and locked
it, like a little pussy and I kicked it about three times,
not even hard enough to break it. If I wanted to break it,
I'm sure I would have. The worst I did was hit the window
and it popped out, not even breaking and he already had the
phone in his hands, calling the cops. This was his big
break, his brother finally snapped, he can now send him
straight into the home where he wanted him...I wish I was
making this all up.

I looked at him in the eyes and said,

'Look my in the eyes and say what your doing is right, say
it to my face, that your only trying to help me and I will
go kill myself in your name and I promise you that.'

I left and sat on a bench for a while, wondering what
the fuck had just happened, how could he do that to me, my
own brother, especially all I've been through and how far
I've come since then. I realized that I had nothing to
hide and that I did nothing wrong so I walked back to his
place and sat on his steps waiting for the police to
arrive. He was knowere in sight, I guess he was out
looking for me, haha, this is fucked, like father like son.

After telling the cops what happened, he then pulled
up, mad as ever, yelling things like,

'You've don't it now, he's insane'
'It's been 4 months, all this kid does is sit at home'
'I've been trying so hard to help him'
'It's not about money, he needs help, he needs to be in a
home.'

I don't even need to write anymore of the shit that leaked
out of his lips, he was afraid, he really didn't think I
would stick around and the cops asked me to go wait in the
car as they spoke to my wonderful brother.

They got back in the car and both of the officers said
that they really felt bad about the whole situation and
after hearing both sides that they could clearly see that
my brother was wrong and that what I really needed, was not
to goto a home but to go somewhere where someone loved me
and could listen to me and confront me. I told them that
the closest place I had to that was Pablo and they
instructed me that I should go there and get a hug and pat
myself on my back for being a good person and again telling
me that very few people understand mental illness and that
my brother is in no situation to either understand or help
me.

I agreed, they took him off the list of people as care
givers, where my father once was and now all I have is
Pablo and Ter. I didn't talk to my brother for a year for
a reason and should have left it at that, I guess I thought
people could change but at least I found out that even the
Police are on my side and are going to look into why I once
again got cut off disability, starting the end of this
month.

I want to cry but there's no fucking point.

Pablo told me that god will pay me back for this.

I wish god would just let me hug Ter in my dreams tonite, I
really wish she was here with me. Life would make so much
more sence.

lee




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