The Tragedy of Britney Spears
normally i don't write about my dreams, but this last one
was just kick-ass. let me give you a quick background:
the characters are; me, a man with a monocle, a lady who
sings in the opera, kevin federline, britney spears, and a
maniacal villain. this whole thing is supposed to be an opera.
It all sarts at a restaurant. I am at a table with the
monocle man and the opera lady. The maniacal man kidnaps
kevin federline & britney spears by brainwashing them with a
cocktail. Me and my new-found friends follow him as he
carries them away from the restaurant.
It turns out that the maniacal man has taken them to his own
amusement park. Monocle man hates amusement parks and says
this to me,
"I thought we were to be in an opera, this is not an opera"
(now you have to remember he has a very dignified and
laconic way of speaking)
I convince both him and the Opera Lady to follow me as we
chase the maniacal man through his theme park.
We have to g on a rollercoaster which will traverse the
entire park; which, (surprisingly) the Opera Lady thoroughly
enjoys. I send her off and she bursts out a soliloquy as
she hurtles through the tunnels and turns.
The Monocle Man, however, is angry, he insists that he
thought this whole thing was to be an opera and he
"Harumph, this is just unprecedented, harumph!"
I tell him that there is a beautiful Opus to be performed at
the end of this theme park ride and finally coax him into
the seat next to me. We finish the ride and find Kevin
Federline at the end of the ride, in a zombie like state
taking our tickets.
We try to tell him that he's been brain-washed, but nothing
helps. finally the opera lady comes towards us (she has
been to a concession stand and has order olives smothered in
cheese and onions). She gives and olive dripping with
cheese to Kevin and he is magically revived.
The 4 of us now set out to find Ms. Spears.
We find her performing at one of those god-awful medieval
plays they always seem to have running at amusement parks.
"What is she doing?" - Kevin asks
"She's been brain-washed" - Monocle Man says
We run to revive her with an olive, when all of a sudden all
of the theme-park goers turn on us, they were all part of
the maniacal man's scheme!!!
But then Kevin Federline busts out some break-dancing and
satiates their craving for constant stimulation; as we
furtively grab Ms. Spears and boogie on out of there.
We are all fine until we make it out of the park, where we
reazlie that we have forgotten to giver her an anecdotal
olive (and the Opera Lady has eaten them all!).
We are confronted with a huge bridge (much like the brooklyn
bridge) which is towering above us, with clouds shrouding
For some reason my dream now moves to the 4 of us fastened
at a table eating olives as Britney creeps ever closer to
her final precarious perch.
"Not everyone can eat, some must die!" - the maniacal man
The Monocle Man is to my right and he is 'harumphin' like
none other, always saying, "well, i'd never".
At this very moment Opera Lady burst into a beautifully
enchanting solo as Ms. Spears arrives at her fatal perch.
The whole "opera" reaches a crescendo as Britney gazes into
the abyss below her.
Right at that moment, Kevin Federline pulls a knife from his
shirt and hurtles it at the maniacal man; striking him in
As he dies in a screaming gurgle, i break from the shackles
with the Opera Lady's solo pumping energy into me. I bound
up the bridge and save Britney Spears from jumping.
Re-uniting her with her husband, I walk over to the Monocle Man.
"Now that's what I call an Opera chap."