Jules420

The Adventures of Jules Santana
2006-04-20 17:26:49 (UTC)

Various Things

Ok, so I have a feeling that this entry is definitely going
to be a long one. For one, it is clear that Orlando reads
my journal since last night....I'm getting so ahead of
myself. So yesterday I went and showed Luke my new apt,
and he loved it. I was really nervous at first, but he
fell in love and is amazed at how huge it is. Then we had
dinner and watched some Top Model. (By the way, I'm
secretly wishing for Jade or Danielle to win that shit).
Anyway, then I had spoken to Orlando earlier in the day and
he sent me an email saying that it was childish if I
decided not to speak to him anymore, but that Riley needed
his brush and everything. So I decided to cut my evening
short with Luke to go home, get Riley's stuff and then take
it to Orlando. I had all intention of talking about our
falling out and all. Well I get there at his place, he
comes down with Riley to take him out. Well Riley clearly
hadn't been brushed in a week, and looked a mess, but was
very happy to see me. Anyway, when we got back to
Orlando's apt. it was a damn mess, moreso than usual. But
then he started telling me random shit and repeating
himself and it seemed as if he had no idea that he had
spoken to me about things. I knew then, that he was
totally fucked up. He then calls information or the
police, I'm not sure, after screaming that the dog behind
his place barks to much and wants to file a complaint. At
this point, I realized there was no point in me staying
while he was that wasted, especially since I made a
specific point to not smoke and be totally in the right
mind-frame for this. Well when he realized I was leaving,
he put his hand in my face and told me to "Just go". So I
left, then the phone calls began. The drunken "if you care
about me you would come back". Then he calls me and says
that "people told me that when stuff is burnt, then it's
over...so fuck you" which indicated that he in fact does
read my journal. You know what's funny, you'd think with
all the shit he gives me about being real and all, he could
at least admit it to me, but no such thing. I didn't even
tell anyone how I burned his pictures and everything. But
then this morning, he calls me again, sober and it just
didn't go well b/c he asked if I wanted to be his friend
and I told him that I didn't want to be "this" Orlando's
friend. Then he tells me how he doesn't have this problem
with any of his other friends and it's not just him, and
that's when I had to remind him that I am his only friend
from when we were 18. I'm the only one that has stayed
here, tried to get him jobs, of which he lies to me about
why he didn't get, and told me the truth last night while
drunk. But he continues and then he invites me to his
going away party, of which I had to decline b/c I just
don't know that that's a good mixture of me, his friends,
him drunk. I'm sure he'll get mad or angry while he's
drunk and then we'll have it out, and then in front of
everyone, which is not where I'm at. So anyway, it all
boils down to, he hung up by saying he had nothing more to
say and that was it. It's very sad, I thought that Orlando
and I could be friends. I thought that he would be able to
not be so vindictive and spiteful to hurt me again, but he
did. Maybe one day when he's gotten himself together we
can reconnect. But right now, I honestly just don't know
how that can happen. I truly loved him and still do, but I
can't keep putting myself in the position of getting hurt
like I have been. I mean I've been the only one there for
him emotionally, financially, paying his bills sometimes so
that he didn't get kicked out of a place, and I've never,
or very rarely ever asked him to pay me back, even though
he swears that he will. I feel taken advantage of when he
gets like this b/c it's terrible and he can only focus on
hurting me. So who knows. I really am sad that I can't
even share my new apt and everything with him. Truth be
told, before I used to think that I would let him crash at
my apt if I got one before he had to go back to Lancaster,
but now, what would that do, what would that solve. I'd
probably just wind up getting hurt again. I guess that's
all I have to say. There's really not much more. On a
lighter note, I'm excited to take my parents to my place
this afternoon and show it to them. I even made a list of
all of the things that I'm going to need to buy for the
place. It's going to be an interesting next 2 weeks.




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