becholi

Life as B
2006-04-13 17:50:45 (UTC)

Life goes on.....

April 14th 2006 - Just came back from attending Ivan's
mom's birthday dinner. Despite the current state of
our 'relationship', i had a good time with the family.
Can't help but think how wonderful it is to belong in
there.

It's been 3 days since i felt the changeover from the
pathetic me to the wonderfully happy me. However, the
events in the past few hours kinda brought me down to
earth again, a lil at least. I do miss him and our
touches. So close yet so far, it was hard to keep a
distance and behave like a 'friend'. I do still love this
man very much, though i can see clearer now, how in a lot
of ways, we are imcompatible. It would only perhaps end up
with either party having to sacrifice and give in to the
other for the relationship to work.

Thinking of him with her hurts..thinking of him thinking
of her hurts. I think i think too much. I know its time i
so move on, but yet, there's still this lil part in me
that's still holding on. There's a lil voice in me that's
telling me there is hope yet. Just now, he just sat there
and looked at me, i met his eyes, and saw something there.
Not sure what it is, but it was just for a moment and then
it was gone. I don't know how he feels about me now,
perhaps even nothing anymore. The thought of that hurts.

God...i do so love this man, but end of the day, thy will
be done. Grant me the serenity to change the things that i
can, and the strength to accept the things that i can't
change. Easter is almost upon us...i am praying for a
renewal in my life. Perhaps a new direction..a new road to
travel. There's a lil part in me that is anticipating this
change. :)




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