blkdragon

grounded
2006-04-13 03:17:39 (UTC)

So much to consider

My Horoscope for last night: It’s definitely a no-holds
barred kind of day. Above all, call it like you see it.
Your super cool facade masks a surprisingly passionate and
earthy private side, but a certain someone may not realize
that about you. Make sure they know you’re not giving them
the brush-off.
This would fall under all the ladies that touched me and
allowed me to touch them tonight.
4/12/06 Getting down to the wire, need to get a check this
week, not working out this morning, I’ll do a contrast bath
and call it a day. Need to go to the job today, have
Carolyn fill out some paperwork for Citi-Financial,
consider doing my taxes; something I’m dreading.
I paid $8 for coffee and coconut cream pie, that was money
I was planning to put in my tank, if I can get the ladies
to solicit my services; the expenditure was worth it. I’ll
be charging $10 an hour for consultations/instructions,
deciding what my time is worth is difficult, don’t want to
cheat the solicitors or myself; certainly don’t want to
overcharge myself out of the market. I gave Kim a card
last night, the first consultation/instruction will be
free. Guess I’ll need to redesign my contact cards to
include the first consultation/instruction to be free of
charge and the subsequent cost of my time. Any and all
future consultations will depend upon the solicitor’s
ability to process the instruction and the results stemming
from the initial instruction.
12:08 pm Therapy went well this morning, I did the
whirlpool, clothes-pins and Kate worked my hand manually.
Kate then used a “Coban” self-adhering wrap, after she
maneuvered my hand into a hooked fist, it was some type of
passive stretch; I was tight, but not in pain. I kept it on
for 10 minutes, Kate gave me a piece to bring home, Comp
won’t pay for me to get any, she told me the longer I can
remain bound; the better things will be. I had to stretch
the muscles and tendons after taking the “Coban” wrap off,
we talked about the therapy, Kate asked if I’d been a
therapist in another life? She told me that the language
and terminology I used to describe certain procedures and
my (intuitive) understanding of my body suggests prior
education in the field, I told her no; it just seems self-
explanatory to me. We had a good session, had to come home
and eat, I’ll get to the job by 2.
I took the birth certificate to Kathy’s this morning, asked
her to come to the window for it, she asked me to come to
the door; perhaps she wanted to get a look at my hand? She
was using up more time than I had to use, I was running
late for my appointment. I gave the b/c to her and told her
that it would be in Charles’ best interests to have copies
made, she said ok, I turned and left.
3:43 pm Never made it to the job, therapy seems to take a
lot out of me, couple that with the fact that I’m not sure
of the monies I have left; I’m waiting for the bank to
credit my last transaction so I’ll know what’s available.
Now my bills are also backing up, I’m going to have to
downgrade my phone account, the roll-over minutes I’ve
accrued shouldn’t be erased, I’ll downgrade @ the beginning
of next month. Looks like I’ll also have to apply for
heating assistance, that shouldn’t be a problem, I should
fall within the criteria; they use 6 weeks of your wages to
see if you qualify and I should now. If not now, within the
next two weeks, that should put me in the emergency
category.
I’ve spent the better part of the last few hours trying to
remove a program, even with the instructions from tech
support; not happening. Good thing about the tech staff,
they’re really serious about their work, at least Margaret
Kong is; she contacts me often to see how I’m progressing
with the problem. Haven’t solved it, perhaps I’ve missed a
step or two, I’ll check the instructions and try again
another time.
Listening to Tina Dickow and other artists, recording to
cassette, thought about letting Patty listen to it; she
didn’t bother listening to the cd I made for her. She was
early to the rink last night, her desire to hurry out of
the house, I imagine. Her misconceptions about me, who and
what I am, dictate her reactions to the things that I do.
She seems afraid my ethnicity will be abrasive, as long as
I fit the mold of the men that she identifies with,
everything would be gravy; I’m not them and nothing like
them. I’m also nothing close to how she imagines someone of
my ethnic persuasion (being politically correct) to be. I
confound her descriptions and perceptions, for her I’ll
forever be an enigma wrapped around a mystery, we’ll keep
it that way; I’ll be the Chinese box she never opened.
Remembering her telling me that she doesn’t like or listen
to rap suggests things to me, not good things either, I
don’t think I’m being harsh; just real. I’ve allowed her to
move me, I now move myself, without her; she’s not
accepting it too well. In watching her skate, I see that
she’s learned nothing new, she also doesn’t seem to have
the rhythm that comes from connecting to the music and
letting your soul fly; she seems afraid to be herself.
Contrasting her with Kim, Kim has hair to her ass, an ample
ass at that; she showed a bit of skin last night. Kim
doesn’t care who’s watching her, she’s not coming to meet
anyone, she seems comfortable in her own skin and that’s a
plus to me. Patty’s dyeing her (short) hair, is afraid to
gain the weight that would define her as a woman. She
stays in her comfort zone, won’t delve into anything new,
she’s listening to music from the 70's; I can’t understand
that mind-set. It isn’t that the music of today isn’t as
good as such from bygone days, it’s that most people are
afraid of progress. She doesn’t seem to like to expand her
horizons. I’m not really sure why Patty skates; the music
(she listens to) certainly doesn’t seem to be moving her.
She seems to be coming to the rink (these days)for social
reasons, probably a by-product of her unhappiness, she may
even be interviewing Kelly’s possible replacement (Mike).
I’m not going to feel sorry for her, she’ll have to
confront her fears.
Just finished “A million little pieces”, I wished the
author well when I closed the cover on the book; I said
goodbye to everyone that touched him or was touched by him.
Called Shawn, he called me last night, he’s in Kingston;
sounded like he was at some female’s house. He said that he
stays in Kingston during the week, yet he came by here
telling me how much he loves Toya, if that were true; he
wouldn’t be at some broad’s house. I could hear kids in the
background and his speech was guarded.
I thought the Pepsi Arena was having a free concert, it’s
really a church service, I won’t be going. Spoke to
Sheridan tonight, he and Anne went to Vermont for the day
to play golf and visit galleries, he may be thinking about
having me help teach her to skate, he’d benefit from the
instructions as well. He thinks it’s something in my
genetic make-up that determines my skill, his analysis has
nothing to do with my cultural affiliations; as far as I
know. Of course, everyone has their own perceptions of the
cultures of others. He wanted me to talk to Anne about my
giving Peggy instructions last night.
He invited me over tonight, seems he thought I might not
have any food, I have what I need for now; really didn’t
want to use up the gas for that. Sheridan lives 12 miles
away from me.
Checked my account, I’m good until next Wednesday, I’ll
need to be expecting monies by then. I’ll need to get
another prescription, what I have left is only good for
another week, I wake every morning in need. My skin on the
affected areas of my fingers, is so sensitive that merely
touching them is painful, painful enough to touch them only
when necessary. The blood flow has obviously been seriously
affected, this means damage to my veins, perhaps there were
those that collapsed; how to find out? The blockage kept
the blood from completing it’s circuit to the necessary
parts of the body and from returning to the heart, I
imagine the swelling suggested that the blood flow was
allowed to resume; but was passage restored to it’s
original state? Something is telling me no! I’m now
wondering what happens to vital tissue that is subjected to
intense pressure and heat, I’m thinking my tendons were
(literally) cooked; I know my skin/meat and muscle was. Dr.
Khuri isn’t going to like me when he sees me next, I’m
tired of the (supposed) specialist’s misunderstanding or
lack of caring about what has occurred to me; their pay
certainly suggests that they should.
I plan to take up his time with questions, he’ll see that
he’s not dealing with a mental midget, we’ll see how he
enjoys the fire I light under his ass? If a physician can’t
see past his patient’s ethnicity or culture, if said
physician has allowed his prejudices and biases to overrule
his adherence to the Hippocratic oath, said physician
should surrender their licence to practice medicine. I
shouldn’t have to ask these questions that concern me, the
physician should have considered them and informed me of
the possibilities.
Ever try stretching a steak after you cook it, it will
never return to the elasticity it exhibited in it’s natural
state, once all the liquid is removed the flesh constricts
upon itself. In conclusion, it’s my opinion that I may
never return to my original state, unless there’s a
procedure to infuse tissue with fluid.




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