Nick the Interviewer
for the past month i've had the privilege of interviewing
potential candidates for the spot that i now occupy. now
apart from the fact that someone like me should never be in
such a position, it has led me to realize the following
things, all of which are helpful if you ever interview anywhere.
the majority of applicants are fucking boring. jesus
christ. the deal with all of our applicants is that they
are all extremely intelligent. i have interviewed 10
people. 8 had gpas over 3.8 and 6 were from ivy league
schools (aka smarter than i am).
yet they conduct themselves like fucking idiots at
interviews. i mean let's be honest here. you can't glean a
person's intelligence in a 15 min. conversation. actually i
take that back. you can tell if they are retarded; the
"better to be silent and thought a fool than open your mouth
and erase all doubt"
comes to mind.
some of these guys are apparently quite astute, but seem to
have no common sense. i had one guy actually tell me that
"sick and tired of looking for jobs."
ok. you just don't say that. it makes you look like a
dumbshit. i've come to the point where i am completely
comfortable with conducting interviews. imagine me like a
kitten who at first was afraid of the ball of yarn, yet then
started batting it around for his pleasure.
that's me with interviewees.
that brings me to the crux of this entry. an over-achieving
asshole who graduated with a 3.94 from columbia (.01 less
than mine, ahem) and was one of those obnoxious go-getters,
goal oriented faggots called us back today. we interviewed
him yesterday and he interrupted my boss a total of 11
times. you could tell he was nervous by people who didn't
seem too impressed by his credentials. he was seriously
able to incorporate the fact that he was a full-bright
scholar exactly 37 times into our conversation. my boss
hated him for his interruptions and arrogance.
overall the guy was a jackass.
so today around 3:30 he called. now i work with all jews
and they were all gone for passover at this time. it was
seriously just me and our 75 year old receptionist. after
having chewed out the receptionist for a while she put him
through to me. here was our convo, verbatim (i will never
EVER forget this convo).
"i was under the impression that you would call me back today."
"i never said that."
"your boss did."
"he's not here and it is passover, he is un-reachable at the
moment, he can get back to you on Monday."
"monday? i need to know now! i have other offers."
"i'm sorry but he's not here i can take a message."
now this is the point i realized he didn't have any other
offers. because if he had he would have just hung up.
"i'm coming over."
"i'll be over in 5 mins and then we'll see if he's there."
now this was beyond belief. here was what ran through my mind:
1.) it was 3:30 in the afternoon on the following day. why
in the world would you call up in a belligerent attitude to
inquire of your chance to be hired?
2.) did this guy just say he was going to call me out by
coming to our firm?
"you're more than welcome to come over, but you can only
"look. i expected a bit of deciency on your behalf,
especially given your promise."
this dude was seriously off his rocker. there was NO WAY my
boss had said anything of the sort to him, cos he hated this
"ok, come on over and we can talk."
so he came over exactly 4 mins later (he must have been
standing outside or something).
i let him in and he literally walked into my boss's room.
after what seemed to be a satisfactory review of my boss's
office he looked at me and said the following:
"this is ridiculous."
to which i stayed absolutely silent. i literally didn't
breathe a word to this guy. he stared at me and stared at
"this is ridiculous."
and with that he left. but we did find someone else.