blkdragon

grounded
2006-04-08 03:26:40 (UTC)

Experimental conclusion

6:26 pm Watching “The 40 year old Virgin”, laughing all the
way through the movie, laughing so hard I had to pause the
movie every 2 minutes. My stomach hurt me soo bad,
especially during the body wax scene.
In thinking about Patty, realizing that she’s insulting my
intelligence, she’s used to dealing with males that are
intellectually inferior to her; she can tell and make them
believe anything she wants. I’m going to have to tell her,
yeah, I love you; but I love myself more. All the mixed
messages and crossed signals, fuck that. A woman that has a
man doesn’t invite herself to another man’s home without
wanting intimacy, there’s no disputing that and any woman
that acts as though she doesn’t understand this cardinal
rule is either a liar or a fool. No woman wants to have her
heart toyed with, playing with another’s emotions is a
dangerous thing, especially if the victim has difficulty
controlling their emotions in the first place. I can’t make
any more time for this shit and I won’t. I’m sure she won’t
be at the rink on Tuesday, she’ll want me to put all this
on a back burner, I’m not the next experiment. I’m planning
to drop a tank in her lap and set up boundaries that she’ll
be unable to cross. We can remain friends, any intimacy
that we’ve shared is history, I’ll need to relegate her to
the periphery of my world; she can remain on the border.
It’s a trust issue, Kelly can’t trust her, she can’t trust
herself and she’s shown me that I can’t trust her either.
She’s too willing to do whatever pleases her, regardless of
anyone else’s feelings. I will definitely be finding
Darlene’s church on Sunday, need to relegate this shit with
Patty to a memory. I’d been wanting to see Darlene, if I
didn’t see Patty, I didn’t lose any sleep. If a person is
hungry and you eat a sandwich in front of them, they’ll
want a piece of that sandwich, a caring individual would
share what they had; as opposed to making succulent noises
while they eat.
I’m of the opinion that there’s definitely something wrong
with Patty, especially if she doesn’t see that what she’s
doing is wrong, if she does see that her actions do more
harm than good and she continues; there’s really a problem.
I don’t know enough to judge her, I know enough to view her
with skepticism. I know enough to get away from her, what
she does is the result of desperation, I’ve never been
desperate.
My company didn’t understand that I didn’t need their job,
I just needed A job. The same holds true for a woman, I
don’t want any woman, I want the right woman. Patty has
shown in more ways than one that she’s not the right woman,
at this writing, not even as a friend. Cheetah is also a
friend of mine, she’s made sure that the boundaries of our
friendship are clear, she doesn’t say anything that can be
misconstrued; I have respect for that.
My knuckles, skin, tendons, nerves and muscles are killing
me; the Motrin doesn’t do enough for the pain and
discomfort. I’m planning to get up early tomorrow, going to
run the park, thinking about making it a daily
constitutional; need to increase my lung capacity and make
constructive use of my time.




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