muse

void deck
2006-04-04 15:25:15 (UTC)

dear kolas

dear nicholas,

i thought about you just now as i showered. i know i have to
dedicate this entry to you and i have to write it now, or
else the moment will be lost.

i love you, kolas. i love you in the purest love, the love
that is based on the reason that you are just the way you
are. not because you are smart or handsome, not because you
are kind or charming, but just because. i call it pure
because i have never thought you in sexual context. i just
want to be close to you, sitting next to you, talk to you,
eat with you, laugh with you, hear your motorcycle pulled
outside my house gate, travel with you, jog with you...
basically spending my days with you. i love you as a person
and how i wish you could be here with me and be my close
friend. how i wish God will let me have you close to me.
cos, kolas, that will be the greatest joy in my life.

today, i am letting loose the words that i wish to give to
you. i'm letting them out in the sea of words in the
internet. i hope they travel the world and mostly, i hope
they will reach you, somehow. these strings of words are
meant for you.

i cannot tell you how much you mean to me. i have know you
for 9 years now, yet we have only been in a short-distance
friendship for less than 3 years. if only you know how much
you have changed my life during that short period of time.

i love the way you appreciate me, the way you cheer me up
when i'm down or when i cry, the way you always encourage
me... you might have changed, my friend... but deep down in
my scarred and hardened heart, i still believe in you, i
believe that what we have is more than what time can wear, i
believe in us, in our friendship.

kolas, allow me to call you "love" this time. cos you are
the closest to Love i have ever gotten to. Love in all its
glory. Love that is not tinted by hatred or jealousy. Love
that brings man closer to God.

there are so many wishes i have for you, love. i want to see
you fly high... to see you happy in life... to see you find
your other half... and one wish, if i am allowed to have, is
that i will always have a part in your life, however small
it is. i wish i would never become obsolete to you.

tears always roll down my cheeks everytime i think about
you... they are like drops of condensation of my love for
you... the feelings are so overwhelming that i can't contain
them.

take care, love... i miss you.


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