Amnesia

dude
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2006-03-28 09:25:40 (UTC)

Bored off my butttter scotch...

I slept for so long. Back to that whole job dilema. I'm
thinking of calling in the pro's. Maybe I should go to a
hiring agency and see if they can brew something up for
me. I'd love to work as a temp, cause well.. different all
the time. Love to go back to being a bartender though.
That last job was rather awesome but got fired unfairly.
Way to short a time working there anyway. Too bad really
liked it.

Chris is overworked and getting over being sick. I'm gonna
see him tomorrow. That should be fun as all hell. I've
been missing him so bad. I've even thought about going
over to Win's and getting real close to him... but didn't
do that. It's true that when things are not suppose to go
a certain way they won't, and you'll know. I wanted to see
Chris Saturday, and knew that no great hanging of any sort
will happen. It wasn't till midnight that things picked up
any, and they weren't with Chris.

It was with the guys again over at Win's. There were 3 or
4 of them playing dnd. Not a campaign I was too into, not
much of a dnd player any more. So at midnight Filipini,
Dwight and I went to IHOP. During this time I started to
get the feeling of hanging out more. When we came back Win
was on the front futons in front of the tv trying to get
more sleep.

I figure this to be the perfect opportunity to get real
close and cuddly with someone. I'd normally do that with
Chris but he's sick, and not there. Dwight didn't show up
till a hell of a long time later. Mike attempted to fill
in, but it's just not the same. There's no sub for that
one person you're in a loving relationship with, but then
again, it's not like Chris and I have that anyway.

I layed further off away from Win. Jimmies feet were still
inbetween us. This changed as the guys needed him more in
dnd. He began waking up slightly. Mike got close to me, to
cuddle every now and then. I figure why the hell not. It
didn't feel like anything really. Though it did give me an
excuse to get closer to Win. Which eventually was a good
thing. Mike had to quickly go back to the campaign, and
Win was slightly more awake. Awake enough to invite me
into his arms. Mission Accomplished.

I'm not too sure what was happening around us. At first it
was all innocent. Win slept, I just kinda looked around
and thought about random things. Then the guys finished
campaigning and settled around the t.v. They begun
watching firefly, which peeked Win's interest waking him
up more. I've dozed off before so I was a bit more awake
now. Dwight fell asleep on my right, Mike fell asleep
behind us, Jimmy fell asleep to Win's left. I ended up
falling asleep on Win.

I noticed we got substantially closer to each other. My
nose was very close to his ear, and at one point I exhaled
normally and noticed he shivered. I know what has
happened. I was dazing off and figure I blame that for my
rather close behavior, but I was not too conspicuous I
don't think. This gave me another thing to want to figure
out... I wanted to see if he would take advantage in any
way. He didn't. I kinda hoped he would... just a bit. He
noticed that I was getting real close to him. I could tell
he was looking at me when I had my eyes closed sometimes.
At one point I think he was trying to return the favor of
the hot air in the ear. I bet he felt it more then once,
but acted on it only that one time. We got as close as
nose to nose. It wasn't gonna go any further...

But tonite I kinda wish that I'd see him again so that it
could have... if he'd allow it. I have to wait till
tomorrow to see Chris. I find myself to be more and more
of an affectionate person once I'm exposed to it. I guess
I would normally keep myself caged. This I'd use like one
of the 5 senses. If I blind myself... my hearing improves.
So in this life of mine I tried not to get involved with
anyone until I get all my ambitions on the road. When I
haven't done that... Just like now, I worry.

Tonite was suppose to go down the way it did. I wasnt
suppose to go out. Maybe looking for a job but that's it.
I have begun to indulge the near ready availability of
being that close with two guys. I gotta tell ya, I'm
getting a little addicted. I love it though.

I'd love to just be Chris's girl for a good long time. It
sounds so nice. And I'd love to be good friends with Win,
he's a great guy, intelligent like hell... Perhaps has
some growing up to do, but would make a great friend. But
the idea of being Chris's girl is dawning on me fiercely.

I think I'm gonna seek some kind of career counceling
tomorrow. Wish it weren't from one of my friends, but it
probably will be. I'm thinking about using that last 50 I
have to hire somebody to find something good for me.

Meh... I rather think about guys.


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