Unseen Scars..
2006-03-26 15:24:17 (UTC)

If this scene was a parish, we'd all be condemned.

So.. i have a million things to say.
First off, last night i went to reems/anthonys flat,
with tobi, tasha, nat, anthony and reem {obviously} and we
brought vodka and all got very drunk, sang to the spice
girls, danced to steps, dirty pretty things.. got
emotional. I actually can't remember the last time i was
that drunk. Meg was sposed to be coming but didn't.
Something to do with her mum not being in the best mood
with her or something. So yeah, obviously, only really
knowing Tobi i was feeling apprehensive about going.
Clearly i shouldn't've as everyone was lovely and i had the
best time, especially with Nat. I'm not sure whats going on
there.. she's really lovely, and i've only known her 2
seconds.. Maybe its because i've actually found someone
else around here thats bi and also happens to be pretty
awesome. I'm not saying i like.. like her. I don't know if
i do. Just, well it was nice spending time with her.. and
the fact that we were both trashed made us feel easy around
each other, 'awh you're awesome' :) 'so are you' 'i love
yooou!' 'i love you too :)' and she wouldn't let go of me
and made me dance with her even though her and tobi are
sposed to be really good friends n stuff. So yeah.. slighly
confused about last night, but it was just lots of good
drunken fun, which is exactly what i needed. To forget
about everything, just for a night and dance around like
f'hools with some wonderful people. And the best thing
about it, was that i didn't think about Clo.. not for a
See we've spoken and stuff, and i told her i'd give her
some time while she sorts her head out, decides once and
for all what she wants.. because at this second i'm not
even sure she knows herself. This could make or break us, i
thought i was doing the right thing, being understanding,
and it might score me some brownie points.. not pushing her
to make descions or being an idiot to her..just staying
calm and letting her do things in her own time. Just now..
now i have to sit and wait, unable to do or say anything.
And what if, even after all this waiting/thinking.. she
decides she wants dani, or it definitely can't work with
us. I feel like she's keeping me dangling on a thread and
i'm starting to forget why i'm letting her. With this space
between us, i feel like its tearing us apart. I don't know
what she's thinking or feeling and i hate that. I guess i
just want all this be sorted, for us to back how it used to
be.. or for us to be over once and for all and i'll move
on. Somehow. Thing is, even if she decides she does want to
give it another go.. i'm not sure things can ever be the
same now. I feel like we're over. and i think she does too.