The "Quiet" Car
on the commuter train that i take to and from work there is
a quiet car (only in the evenings). in this quiet car there
are two simple rules:
1.) don't talk on your god damned cell phone
2.) don't have any loud conversations WHATSOEVER.
basically...shut up and enjoy the ride.
now i've taken this commuter train for about a year and a
half and have always sat in the quiet car on the way home.
and today it struck me. every single time i've been in
there (which have been a lot) someone has had to be told to
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
it works like this. 2 seconds after the train leaves the
station the conductor gives his usual speech, telling
passengers the list of stations we will be stopping at and
to please shut your fucking trap in the quiet car. every
day, without fail this message is heard over the intercom:
"and we would like to remind our passengers that the first
car is a quiet car. no loud conversations or cell-phone use
is permitted, we kindly thank you for your cooperation."
and within 5 seconds of this message some dipshit will call
his wife, or two assholes will engage in loud ass
now i can understand if you want to do this on the train,
there is no problem with that. BUT YOU HAVE THREE OTHER
CARS OUT OF FOUR TO DO IT ON!!!
there is a huge fucking sign telling you this is the quiet
car!! what the fuck?
there is a person on an intercom telling you that this is a
my favorite part of the quiet car is the ineviatble "shht!"
by one of the older grizzled passengers who just want to
drink their beer and not think about their lives. those are
the people who fucking NEED quiet car so that they don't go
on a murder spree.
without fail, about 2 mins of loud conversation (either on a
cell phone or to another person in a car) goes by. now i
have a theory as to why 2 mins is the maximum tolerability
by people before they give the "shht!"
and this is simply based upon the fact that you don't know
if what they are saying is something
a.) i'm having a fucking baby, get me the fuck off this train
b.) i'm choking on my fifth piece of sbarro's pizza, please
apply the heimlich
c.) i'm gonna blow this mother-fucker sky-high in two
seconds (which is both important and life-threatening on
anyhow, back to the "shht!"
the reipient of the "shht!" gives one of two reactions:
1.) indignant silence
2.) outright rage
1.) muttering something under their breath while opening a
2.) screaming at the top of their lungs at the person who
dared shht! their phone call to his baby's momma
either way, it's always entertaining in the quiet car, even
if it is almost an irony.