slave jess

Journal of Joels slave
2006-03-14 17:05:24 (UTC)

big problem

hello,

i feel that Joel has too much on his plate right now. the
last thing He needs is me. i dont doubt for a second that
He loves me more than i have ever been loved before in my
life but when it causes stress then something has to be
done.

i feel Joel is trying to please too many people at once.
there is just so much one can do at once. His roster at
work has changed and his other work he does is taking most
of His time lately. He has advised me to get counselling
as He cant begin to imagine what i am going through. He
just doesnt seem to understand how much i need Him right
now. and when He puts off the little bit of time i ask of
Him it cuts so deeply. i might be acting selfishly and if i
am then that is me. i am not what people have thought i
was. i maybe slave but i am also a woman with emotions.

there was another problem that i have encountered in the
past 24 hours that i must talk to Joel about. it couldnt
have happened at a worse time. i am sure He will think it
was a deliberate act but i will swear on my life that it
was accidental....i have spent most of the day trying to
correct it. when i thought he was able to chat soon, i
found out that he has to do 5 hours overtime so wont be
home until after his midnight which is my around dinner
time for me. this house is buzzing in the evenings so i
will just have to see if i can chat to him then.

this is such a heavy load to carry right now when i am at
my weakest. i dont have the fight anymore.

gotta go
jess




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